[massacre man]

Massacre Man looks at Disease.

Massacre Man: You aren't going to fight it now, are you?

Disease: Pfft, fuck that.

Massacre Man: Good, let's leave.

Disease: Best idea I've heard all night.

Massacre Man: Let's go.

Massacre Man and Disease walk to the door, all of the infected folks that weren't killed at the K-Mart or police station are approaching the door, Massacre Man locks it.

Massacre Man: Guess we have to use the back door.

Disease: Don't have one?

Massacre Man: What kind of hospital doesn't have a back fucking door?

Disease: This one.

Massacre Man: Is there another exit?

Disease: No.

Massacre Man looks up toward the Heavens and starts talking.

Massacre Man: This is a sign, isn't it?

He looks back at Disease who asks him a question.

Disease: So how did you get into this mess?

Massacre Man: Shit... do you really wanna know?

Disease: Yeah.

Massacre Man: Why?

Disease: Well you seem experienced in doing... whatever the fuck this is.

Massacre Man: Well, a few days ago I was excited for the Tales From The Crypt marathon coming on, but my friend, Rod was getting married, being the kind fucker I am, I took him looking for places ro have his honeymoon, being the horror buff that he is we went to check out an old abandoned campsite with my other friend, Illdojo...

Disease: Illdojo? My brother deals to him.

Massacre Man: Shut up, I'm telling a fucking story.

Disease: Fuck, sorry.

Massacre Man: It's cool. So this slut starts talking to Illdojo and he hangs out with her, but then this monkey bites Rod while me and him were walking through the woods, we tried figuring out something to do with it, but it got out, me and Rod came back and our van broke down, we went into this morgue and a cannibal killed Rod and chained me to the wall.

Disease (Sarcastically): Was his name Jigsaw?

Massacre Man: I told you to shut the fuck up. But he cut my feet off and poked my eye out, I slipped off and killed this big, annoying black dude with a blender, I got tossed in the basement, there was someone in there, it was dark and I didn't know who it was so I tossed a meat cleaver and it got jammed in his back, I sort of crippled him, then these zombies showed up, I hid and eventually escaped, I met up with Illdojo and an ambulance came and got me, the monkey from earlier made the ambluance crash, bit the paramedics, I got into a fight with it and sent it on it's way, then I got on the radio to get helped and then I got killed.

Disease: Then how are you here... and you still have both eyes, and both feet.

Massacre Man: I'm getting to that, now shut the fuck up and let me tell the story. But yeah, I don't remember anything up until I woke up standing outside of a van with that __V__ guy, the reporter from Fox 5. He gave me his news van and I tried driving home, I saw a demolished bar, the fucking monkey was there.

Massacre Man grips his hands tighter on the axe.

Massacre Man: And that's when I used this, I chopped it in half and tried driving home, but then I got caught up again, Illdojo and Rod started talking to me.

Disease: I thought Rod was dead.

Massacre Man: They both were.

Disease: What happened to Illdojo?

Massacre Man: I don't know, but they made me wreck and I had to get help from these girls, they were bitches for the most part, there was one I thought was kind of cool, but then we had an encounter with werewolves and serial killer, guess who the lone survivor was! I took out the werewolves and the killer, I collapsed in the middle of woods, guess what showed up.

Disease: Vampires?

Massacre Man: Nope, the fucking monkey.

Disease (Not believing a word Massacre Man says, just humoring him): Weird...

Massacre Man: The monkey ran off, I tried tracking it down, but ended up fighting werewolf zombies with that reporter again, but sadly, he didn't make it that time. I finally made it back to Shady Side. I go to the wedding to tell the bride.

Disease: Just before she got married you were gonna tell her that her husband was dead?

Massacre Man: I didn't know where she lived and I was just gonna say he left.

Disease: Oh.

Massacre Man: Yeah, she didn't show up either.

Disease: Bummer.

Massacre Man: Yeah, but there I saw ABnormal for the first time in... guess how long.

Disease: How long?

Massacre Man: 9 months! She had a surprise for me. Wanna guess what that was?

Disease: The baby?

Massacre Man: No, the 2 eggs filled with those little fucks that I thought was gonna be my baby! On top of all of that, a skinhead blew another friend of mine's head off, one has a moonshine bottle lodged inside of him and the other one is outside waiting for me, but he's probably dead judging by the fuckers out there. Oh yeah, and I'm having freaky fucking dreams about my dead friends.

Disease: Poor guy, have you thought about seeing a therapist?

Massacre Man: Why would I see a therapist?

Disease: Because you're a fucking nutjob.

Massacre Man: How's that?

Disease: You don't see anything remotely crazy about what you just told me?

Massacre Man: You see this shit and doubt what I'm telling you?

Disease: Yeah. This is like an alien or disease or something, you're talking about being killed and being revived, it sounds like something out of a bad fucking movie.

Massacre Man: Oh well, I don't give a shit if you believe me, I just wanna go home and...

The ceiling collapses, the gigantic creature rises from the chunks of the ceiling, Massacre Man and Disease stare in disbelief, it's the same creature that impregnated ABnormal but has grown in size and looks far more ferocious, it's tail sticks straight up into the air until it bends at the tip pointed toward Disease and Massacre Man.