Judges - Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my entry - It was really long-winded (once I started, I couldn't stop!), so I appreciate your time and consideration.
Judge #3 - I really appreciate your feedback - Totally get you with the voiceover; I struggled with it - Wasn't sure if it was a wise choice, though I just couldn't get Jim Carrey's mumbling voiceover out of my head from
Eternal Sunshine - I really liked how that was executed... But, ultimately, I agree with you... I cite
Black Swan, but Portman's performance warrants no voiceover, it's so incredibly strong... Plus OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT SPIDER! That's a very apt comparison and - you're right - That style is close to what I'm trying to accomplish here with the Reality vs. Paranoid Narrator (and MAN - Ralph Finnes - What a performance!).
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Lindsay seems to get left in his inlaw's house unattended a couple of times. Even if he's a relative, this seems a little odd. Particularly the second time- his sister and her husband go upstairs for an extended scene and leave Lindsay alone downstairs. And where are the kids during all this? For all the concern Lindsay has for the children, we hear precious little about them. As characters, they're woefully undeveloped.
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I get the point about him being "left alone" - Didn't realize that it seemed as though that happened a lot, but I get the critique (and I can see myself getting annoyed with the same if I saw the movie - I guess he's supposed to be more sympathetic and less creepy)... For the second time they're left alone - That really manifested out of me kinda wanting to either have Lindsay watch his sister and Jack having sex or have a wet dream about it... but I didn't want him to seem TOO creepy, so I turned it into an odd dream sequence. Thanks for pointing that out.
In terms of the children - I like the idea of them being these all-important entities that are ultimately off-scene. That is how their presence is in the story, and I like them on the outskirts - It's more about Lindsay's obsession over them, and not necessarily their actual characters... Hope that makes sense. ;) I understand your critique, but just wanted to give the thought behind it - Their omission is purposeful because I wanted it to be more about Lindsay - I do think that they could be more present, though - Timing and pace is hard to convey in a treatment, so I think that they could be a lot more present toward the beginning of the movie.
V - Thanks for posting - I know my enhanced text can be a pain, but it looks perfect. ;)
Also - This challenge served as my introduction to Ramsey Campbell - I actually purchased his short story collection
Alone with the Horrors: The Great Short Fiction of Ramsey Campbell 1961-1991 for the purpose of this challenge... I'm really looking forward to reading his other works - Thanks for bringing him to my attention!