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We stepped away and he closed the door, I walked up to him and handed him a hundred dollar bill. His jaw dropped open. I said “I like you, I don’t come to the city much, but I may need a discreet driver in the future. Would you be a discreet driver?” He looked at me shocked, you could tell he didn’t expect to hear such a thing from a young boy of ten. I said “Quick now! I have somewhere to be.” He shook off the look of shock, glanced at the hundred dollar bill in his hand and smiled, “I can be the most discreet person you have ever met. Questions aren’t part of my job.” I gave him a nod of agreement “Meet us back out here for the ride home at exactly 8 p.m. Not a minute later, and we may have business in the future.” With that he headed back around to the driver side.
During my exchange with the driver, mother had been trying to make her way through the crowd of people and their apologies. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Your husband was such a good man.” “I can’t believe he is gone.” All of the cliché bullshit that you hear at a funeral. I tried to remain as invisible as possible so that I didn’t have to fake my way through a conversation that I had no interest in being in. We slowly made our way up the stairs, mother in front, Jennifer and I side by side. I had a short daydream about this being our wedding and us getting ready to go inside. She looked amazing in her wedding dress and all of these people were piled around us taking pictures. Then I heard someone yell out my name. It pulled me out of my daydream in an instant and I was looking into the eyes of an older man of around 60. I took a deep breath and knew that I looked confused. The man said “Well of course you don’t recognize me. Im your uncle William. Your father’s brother.” I had no idea who this guy was, and I didn’t like how close he was to my face. His breath smelled like whisky and cigars. I put on a fake smile and hugged him. I could see Jennifer over his shoulder and gave her a little shrugging motion that I knew she would catch. She giggled silently. “It’s good to see you Uncle Will. I apologize but I am not sure if we have ever actually met.” He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee on himself. Finally after his fit had subsided he said “Well you’re what, ten?” I said “Yes Sir.” I knew my manners. “I guess that means it’s been around eight years sense I saw you last, I don’t expect you to remember me.” Will said. I could see a real quick haze pass over his eyes, he swayed and started to stumble. My mother, who had been watching this exchange from just on the other side of him, reached out with incredible speed and steadied him. She leaned into him and whispered something I couldn’t hear. He smiled, said to her “You always were smart, I don’t know why me and you never…” She slapped him quick and his eyes shot open. He apologized and stumbled off to bother someone else.
We finally made it to the top of the stairs and the entrance to the church. I had been holding Jennifer’s hand and trying to make it seem like we were in deep conversation so that nobody would bother us. We were actually talking about who was going to win tonight’s hockey game, the Bruins or the Stars. We watched every Bruins game together. She glanced at her watch and said “Well we still have about thirty minutes until the memorial starts. Im going to take your mom in and get ready, why don’t you try to avoid the crowd and see if you can entertain yourself?” I agreed and watched as they disappeared behind the giant wooden doors of the church. I imagined it was a huge mouth with razor sharp teeth and a huge slimy tongue, swallowing them whole. That was worth a little laugh.
After they were inside and I was standing alone, but not alone on the front steps of this amazing building trying to figure out what to do. I started thinking about the people out there on the streets again. I could feel my feet start to move me down the stairs but it didn’t feel like I was in control. It felt like the city was calling to me. It was teeming with life and I could cure it of that. There was so much blood out there, coursing through the streets. I was just about to walk out into the street when someone I did recognize grabbed me by the shoulder spinning me around. It was a young boy, about my age. I tried to remember his name, “Timothy!” I shouted. He said “You damned near walked out into that street and got flattened.” That’s when I realized that I wasn’t still at the top of the steps. Timothy was one of my cousins, about the same age as me. I couldn’t remember how we are related, but I think it was on mother’s side. He started in with the “I’m so sorry.” BS. I stopped him and said “Look, I really didn’t know him all that well, and I am sad, but I’m ok.” Lying about being sad was easier than trying to explain why I hated the man. Timothy said “Boy, I’m sorry you didn’t know him that well. You wanna do somethin?” I sighed deeply and said “Thank God, I thought you were going to stay all sappy. Yes please, let’s find something to do.”
We started walking around the side of the massive stone building, chatting about what we have been up to and about the last time we had seen each other. Other than with Jennifer, this was the first time I had a decent conversation in years. It was kind of nice to be able to connect with a boy my age. I honestly thought I would never get the chance again. We followed the side of the building until it made a turn down an alley along the back of the church. I started down it, and Tim stopped. He said “I don’t know if my mom would be ok with me going down there.” I laughed a little and started in on him, “What are you, Chicken?” I started waving my arms and dancing around like a chicken. Tim huffed and started down the alley with me. He mumbled to me as we walked “I aint a chicken, you better watch yourself next time. Nobody calls me a chicken.”
We wondered down the alley. It wasn’t anything to special but to me it was a whole new world. I hadn’t been to the city in years and even then I was to young to remember any of it. We strolled by a couple of big dumpsters and a hobo sleeping in a box. He smelled like pee, and all I can think is “I bet he would thank me for running a blade across his neck.” We came to a little set of steps in the back of the church that led down into the ground with a guard rail around them. They led down to a little door that must go into the basement and the boiler room. I didn’t think a lot of it until I noticed a dog laying at the bottom of the steps. It looked really thin and barely alive. I pointed it out to Tim, the little guys tail was wagging and it tried to stand up but he was too weak and couldn’t. I asked Tim if he wanted to go down and see it. He looked a little nervous so I started to flap my arms and he said “Ok, fine, let’s go down and pet him.” In one quick movement I jumped over the little guard rail and started down the steps. Tim was a little slower and climbed through the guard rail behind me.
At the bottom of the steps the dog was rolled over on its back and it was wagging its little tail just as quick as it could. There wasn’t much down there, the dog, a
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