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As you guys know, I am quite at odds with my grandfather. Well I guess I shouldn't say at Odds, the fighting is over and done. My best friend since the 4th grade has been there for me during this when he can be. Granted he has a wife and two kids of his own and drives a truck full time so we don't get to talk as often as we used to, but he has been very helpful in this as he grew up seeing a lot of the signs that I didn't until recently. He said I need to learn to forgive him for the things he has done or else it will eat me alive. I do agree with the eating me alive part but I have come to learn that there are some things in life that you cannot forgive but rather than letting them eat at you for the rest of your life, you can learn to accept it.
I consider what my ex-girlfriend did to me to be Unforgivable with everything as a whole. I have learned to understand why she did what she did and I accept it, but can I ever forgive her for it? No.
The same goes for my grandfather. In a way I feel almost like a victim of circumstance as both of my parents families saw me as the opposite parents child and held resentment towards me no matter what I did. My mother's family was obviously a lot nicer to me than my father's family was but when they knew I was getting the hell beat out of me and ran to their house as a child staying two or three days at a time terrified to go home and then making me go home anyway knowing what would happen and then only intervening what's my face was busted up in my blood was all over my mother's house, and then not even telling me my own grandmother, who was more of a mother to me than my real mother ever was. My aunt called me after she died to tell me that she loved me and forgave me for an argument we had recently before all of this and she had already died when my aunt called me but yet didn't tell me and for so long every time I have brought this up my grandfather has just change the subject or shut down on me or done whatever he could to avoid talking about any of it. He knows exactly what he did and his pride and ego wouldn't let him admit to it until recently when I kept on him until he did.
This is what I'm talking about. You can understand, you can dissect and you can accept but to forgive for something like that, I considered weakness. If we learn how to figure out for ourselves what the problem is and how it began and ended and every other aspect and learn that there were things you couldn't control and there are things you can control. You must learn to accept that it has happened and cannot be changed and realize the lessons you learned from the experience and apply them to how you perceive anything else you go into in life.
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