Something Crawling (feedback please)

[shadow_13]

This is one of my earlier stories that I wrote around January 2004, it's rather short and that is alot of the reason I choose to put it here in a topic. You can find it at fictionpress along with several of my other stories. I am new to this forum and am a very dedicated fan of horror, it is my life, so I think this place will suit me nicely. So here is my story:


Somthing Crawling


Daniel laid in his bed with the covers pulled up to his chin. Another long night before him. His room was dull and dark, with only his nightlight to cast a glow around his bed. Beyond the lights everything was silhouettes. He tried not to think of what could be hiding in the dark corners of his room, what could be in his closet, under his bed, or what could be there that he couldn’t see.

He lied there in his bed with his eyes wide and moving left and right watching everything in his room like someone guarding an out post would in a war. Carefully listening to make sure nothing in his room made an strange noise. He lie there for what felt like three hours and just as he began to finally feel sleep coming to him that’s when he heard it.

It was just a rustle, like something shifting it’s movement, but it was enough to make his whole body tighten and his eyes shoot open.

He heard it again, only this time he screamed. Loud enough to wake his parents but they didn’t wake up.

Then everything went silent. Once again he found himself in the dull glow of his nightlight. He tried to tell himself it was only the house settling, but as hard as he tried it didn’t help him. He still found himself lying there with his feet pulled all the way up away from the bottom edge of the bed. Then he heard it again. He tried to ignore it, but then it happened again as if it sensed he was ignoring it. The rustle began to get closer, but it kept just out of sight, just beyond the darkness. Daniel found it hard to breath and started to shake uncontrollably as it began to close in.

He let out a sudden gasp when he saw it. It was just a silhouette just an outline but he saw it. It looked like half a man, crawling towards him. As it got a little closer he could see that it’s legs were gone. It’s breathing got harder as it made an odd noise like it was trying to say something, but all that came out was an unrecognizable wet gurgle. It was now at the side of the boy’s bed looking up at him.

At this the boy screamed and managed to muster enough courage to leap out of bed and run out his bedroom door away from that thing. The thing managed to choke out, “No, wait!” as he ran past it. He ran as fast as he could down the hallway of his large house and after what seemed to take forever he reached the door of his parents bedroom. He opened the door and flicked on the light.

He stood there mouth agape at what he seen. His mother laid in bed with her throat slashed and her stomach sliced open spilling her guts on the blood soaked bed. Beside her laid two severed legs that didn’t belong to her. At that point something in the Daniels mind began to understand what the thing in his bedroom was. It was his father trying to warn him. Trying to tell him that they weren’t alone in the house. Daniel heard something behind him and spun around in time to see a large man with an axe walking towards him. The huge man started giggling to himself at the thoughts of what he had in store for the boy who wouldn’t listen to his father.

some of my other stories

[massacre man]

yeah when you said his parents didnt wake up i new it would be one of his parents