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#1
11-11-2003, 05:27 PM
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My Poems
Blood Bath
I watched her in the moonlight As she bathed in the stream. Her raven-hair flowed right Past her perfect-formed breasts. I carefully approached the beauty So I could take in more of her body. It was then that my eyes beheld the horror That would haunt my dreams forever. Her skin was as pale as the moonlight And the water around her was crimson. She was not bathing in the river of blood But drinking to regain her evil might. By Josh. 
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#2
11-12-2003, 09:37 PM
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Is this from a movie? I have no idea what you mean. It seems to be separate thoughts thrown together instead of one coherent poem. Your spelling and grammar is much improved compared to your other posts. I'd suggest trying to write poems with rhyming two lines in a row or rhyming line 1 to 3 and 2 to 4, etc. It was pretty decent outside of that.
However, I do have a question, why is it posted in the new member forum? Shouldn't it be in the writing forum or somewhere else?
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#3
12-12-2003, 04:57 PM
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wicked nice poem
__________________
Standing 5'11 Dark Green Eyes and Long Curly Dark Brown Hair Streaked With Blue,and Pink Clawed Black Nails and Short Cut Fangs.......What Are You Looking At?......WICKED
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#5
12-12-2003, 08:13 PM
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what exactly are you saying in it?
__________________
Standing 5'11 Dark Green Eyes and Long Curly Dark Brown Hair Streaked With Blue,and Pink Clawed Black Nails and Short Cut Fangs.......What Are You Looking At?......WICKED
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#6
12-12-2003, 09:41 PM
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if your going to try and write poetry
try reading some. your work will improve greatly.
try reading some ginsburg or alice walker.
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#7
12-12-2003, 10:42 PM
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there good
__________________
Standing 5'11 Dark Green Eyes and Long Curly Dark Brown Hair Streaked With Blue,and Pink Clawed Black Nails and Short Cut Fangs.......What Are You Looking At?......WICKED
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