Within Nature Lies an Abomination - Critique wanted

[B M Timesmyth]

Hello all. This is the first short horror story I have written, and first I have put online for critique, but please do not hold back, I want honest opinions about it.

Within Nature Lies An Abomination

As I stood on the outskirts of the Elder Forest, a nostalgic sense of forbidden enjoyment filled me. My conscious mind wandered toward the emerald greens of the ancient oak's leaves and the array of scents emitted from the sap filled bark. My subconscious mind wandered somewhere deeper and darker, among the gnarled roots of the rotting forest floor.

It had been over two nights since I had last seen my fellow campers. They had known I would be leaving them at some point to explore the forest alone, but I still felt a twinge of guilt for them as I had left without saying a word.

I cast a cursory glance over my shoulder, half expecting to see something stalking me. The sense of dread that had first screamed at me to turn back as I had approached the forest was now gone, replaced instead by a dark inquisitive desire.

My first step into the colossal expanse heralded to me a most arcane flashback, to when I had entered before. Had it been in a previous life? Or this one? I was unable to tell, but the horrifying thrill it gave me had fed my curiosity and beckoned for me to continue. Being almost completely untouched by human foot for many years, there was no discernible path through the forest, yet an unseen force pulled me through, allowing me to avoid the bogs and hidden roots with ease.

I had been walking all day without tiring, and twilight was rapidly approaching. While my body told me I could easily continue, my mind told me to rest for the night. As I began to build my tent, a shiver washed over me. I had not seen nor heard a single animal in this forest. Until now I hadn't taken much notice, as the sounds of my feet crunching and slapping against the littered forest floor had kept me sane. Now, all I could hear was the slight rustle of my tent's fabric as my increasingly nervous hands attempted to put it up.

The tent was in an ideal spot for the night, sheltered by a thick, leafy canopy, and with enough dry wood in the surrounding area to build a decent size fire. It took me less than ten minutes to collect enough kindling to set aflame, adding the calming smells and sounds of fire to the entombing quietness. As the strong aroma of burning oak filled my head and lungs, I found myself in a trance, recalling my past visit to this sinister, silent place.

Standing in the forest I found myself in a clearing. It seemed out of place, considering how overgrown the rest of the area was. In the centre of it was an altar, surrounded by black candles and strange idols, the likes of which I did not recognise from any human religion or culture. One of them which stood out more so than the others was a large serpent with glowing red rubies for eyes. It seemed to be channelling or absorbing energy from a black onyx pyramid below it. Confused as I felt, I made my way toward the altar. The top of it, I noticed as I approached, was not a flat surface, but rather the entire thing was akin to a stone coffin with its lid removed. A morbid curiosity pushed me forward, to walk up to its edge and peer inside.

I stumbled back in horror.

What I saw within would haunt me for eternity.

I awoke from my trance and found myself lying down. The fire had long died out, leaving only a few smouldering embers. Morning had arrived. I felt like I had only been away from the land of the living for a few moments, yet many hours had passed.

Thud Thud

I turned around, breath held, surveying my surroundings, but I neither saw nor heard anything else. Oddly enough, I felt no fear, not after the dream, nor after hearing the unexplained noise.

Thud Thud

I heard it once more. This, to my newly found fearless self was a good enough reason to make way with haste and find the source of the strange noise. I left my tent and food behind, for it would only slow me down.

The further I travelled into the darkening forest, the louder the sound got. I could only describe it as the sound of metal hitting stone, but with something soft in between them to dampen the sharp clink one would expect. I was perplexed, but unperturbed.

Thud Thud Thud Thud

The sounds were getting more frequent now, more excitable.

Thud-Thud-Thud-Thud

Faster and more violent, and now there was a distinguishable grunting accompanying them. My pace had gradually been getting faster in time to the beating sounds and I was now jogging, dodging trees and roots.

Thudthudthudthudthudthud

Running forward, I burst forth into the clearing, the same one from my dream. I faltered and fell to my knees, vomiting instantly. The alter-like coffin now had its lid back on. A blank faced individual stood behind it, his dead eyes staring straight ahead as he hammered the same spot over and over, smashing down on a bloody pulp which was once a human head. The rest of the corpse was distinguishable only by her clothes. Clothes I recognised, for she was one of the women I had been camping with.

He saw me and stared soullessly into my eyes.

Yet there he stood, still hammering and hammering away.

Yes... There I stood, still hammering and hammering away.