#11  
Old 05-15-2018, 06:38 PM
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Smeg Head1 Smeg Head1 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nokiaemars View Post
Is there anything I can do to reduce negative feeling? I mean I find it hard to connect with people, but my job require me to talk a lot with people. I always think that everyone doesn't like me, and I really don't know how to impress them...
Trying to get people to like you isn't really the way to go, imo. You'll just end up trying to be a representation of what you think they want.

I believe it's important to love who you are. Embrace who you are, and try not to seek validation from others too much. This isn't easy, of course. A lot of ppl spend their whole lives trying to be something they're not in order to please others.

If I have some advice for you though, it's this: Try to replace those negative train of thoughts with positive ones. It's very difficult to stop the 'what if' questions. But with a slight twist you may be able to change them. Rather than "what if they don't like me?", catch yourself thinking it, and instead think "what if they do like me?". Or, instead of "maybe they won't think I'm funny", try "maybe they don't care if I'm funny, they just like talking to me." Or, very simply, if you catch yourself thinking about the way people perceive you, stop and chant the mantra "Fuck what people think!" and immediately start thinking of something else.

You're certainly not alone - everyone is constantly seeking validation from others, and with social media we're inundated with ways to seek approval. Almost everyone is thinking about themselves. They're not thinking of the weird thing you said at that party four years ago...they're thinking of the weird thing they said to the barista yesterday. Dwelling on our perceived past social inadequacies is an unhealthy waste of time imo.

My advice: Don't try to find someone who likes you. Try to find someone you like. Someone you enjoy being around. And don't worry about all the rest of them. And when you find someone, don't worry about them liking you back. Just try to find some common ground with them. Find the thing you have in common, talk about it, ask about it, share about it, and you may find that relationship start to grow stronger.
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  #12  
Old 05-16-2018, 05:44 PM
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Sculpt Sculpt is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: USA, IL
Posts: 4,539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeg Head1 View Post
Trying to get people to like you isn't really the way to go, imo. You'll just end up trying to be a representation of what you think they want.

I believe it's important to love who you are. Embrace who you are, and try not to seek validation from others too much. This isn't easy, of course. A lot of ppl spend their whole lives trying to be something they're not in order to please others.

If I have some advice for you though, it's this: Try to replace those negative train of thoughts with positive ones. It's very difficult to stop the 'what if' questions. But with a slight twist you may be able to change them. Rather than "what if they don't like me?", catch yourself thinking it, and instead think "what if they do like me?". Or, instead of "maybe they won't think I'm funny", try "maybe they don't care if I'm funny, they just like talking to me." Or, very simply, if you catch yourself thinking about the way people perceive you, stop and chant the mantra "Fuck what people think!" and immediately start thinking of something else.

You're certainly not alone - everyone is constantly seeking validation from others, and with social media we're inundated with ways to seek approval. Almost everyone is thinking about themselves. They're not thinking of the weird thing you said at that party four years ago...they're thinking of the weird thing they said to the barista yesterday. Dwelling on our perceived past social inadequacies is an unhealthy waste of time imo.

My advice: Don't try to find someone who likes you. Try to find someone you like. Someone you enjoy being around. And don't worry about all the rest of them. And when you find someone, don't worry about them liking you back. Just try to find some common ground with them. Find the thing you have in common, talk about it, ask about it, share about it, and you may find that relationship start to grow stronger.
I think that's very good advice.
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