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  #1  
Old 07-22-2020, 04:12 PM
dougbwill dougbwill is offline
Little Boo
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
I just made a horror short. I'm looking for some honest advice.

It's called "A Gift from Grandma"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTDeG-3PWvg
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  #2  
Old 07-24-2020, 03:07 AM
SlayerX SlayerX is offline
Little Boo
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Morning,

I subbed to your channel

I really liked for a short the premises and can easily see it been made it something more fleshed out.

If I had to provide any constructive feedback it would be the narration is good but is missing something not sure what.

If you check out Rob Gavagan on Youtube he nails it.

I'm not saying its bad but with a slight change in tone it could be even better.

I'll continue to watch your videos :)
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  #3  
Old 07-24-2020, 07:00 AM
dougbwill dougbwill is offline
Little Boo
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerX View Post
Morning,

I subbed to your channel

I really liked for a short the premises and can easily see it been made it something more fleshed out.

If I had to provide any constructive feedback it would be the narration is good but is missing something not sure what.

If you check out Rob Gavagan on Youtube he nails it.

I'm not saying its bad but with a slight change in tone it could be even better.

I'll continue to watch your videos :)
Thank you very much for the sub! I really do appreciate it!
And thank you for the feedback as well! I was thinking the same thing about the narration. I keep going back and forth as to keep the narrations or not. I did check out Rob Gavagan, thanks for the suggestion, and he is pretty great. I think will try to adopt his tone.
Thanks again for watching, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so!
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  #4  
Old 07-24-2020, 12:21 PM
SlayerX SlayerX is offline
Little Boo
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
No worries always happy to help if you need anything else you message me on here or email me [email protected]
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  #5  
Old 07-24-2020, 08:10 PM
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Sculpt Sculpt is offline
ventricle


 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: USA, IL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dougbwill View Post
It's called "A Gift from Grandma"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTDeG-3PWvg
I enjoyed it! My favorite part is the doll coming up onto the back of the bed and moving forward. I love the way you move the doll! Some shots are just special. I'm assuming the doll was layered video (Superimposition) onto the bed video, right? Did you shoot the doll clip with green screen? It looks really sharp, great job. The lighting of both work well together. I think it would look great if you did more of that. Crawl the doll up the bed. Might be tricky, but rewarding. What sort of camera and video editor are you using?

The sound clarity and levels of the narration and music are good. Music and sound effect choices and timing are good. The narration is well written and delivered. Got to love the effortful annunciation, micro spacing between words. It may be slightly too good, I hate to say, in the sense a slightly less perfectly rhythmed performance would add a little realism, not draw attention to itself, and if desired, it's an opportunity to 'add a little character' to the character -- as it's the character (actor) doing the narration.

Honest advice?

I think you should add some silence (or music) at the start of the short (at least 3 seconds), as the narration starts less than a quarter second into the short; so it doesn't give the audience time to 'settle in' and make an appropriate 'set and setting' for themselves; and they may miss some of the beginning information.

I think the angle of the shot, of doll on the chair, should be lower, to match the angle of the actor looking at the doll from the couch. The current angle is looking down at the doll, rather than more eye level (which would be the accurate vantage point for the actor laying down on the couch). Additionally, eye level, or even a very slight angle up, would make the doll more ominous and dominate, more threating.

Let me say first, the so-called 'non-cinematic' lighting/exposure of your short gives it part of its character, sort of cinéma vérité or 'found footage'. Your short is kind of cool and interesting to look at because it isn't 'cinematic'. Having said that -- I'd recommend that you turn off everything auto on your camera -- make it all manual. That's because the camera is making subtle changes in exposure during your shots -- so we see apparent changes in light, color and focus during shots, for instance at the 2:00 mark, you can see these changes as you get the couch and go out the door. Also the coloring of your face when you're lying in your bed 2:33-34.

If you wanted a more cinematic look (and I'm not suggesting you should) there's things to try. I recently saw this youtube vid explaining that a bit here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HVYrr3kFp4.

And story wise for the end... you could make a clever ending via the narration. The narrator is telling the story. What would the 'doll possessed' character say at the end?... before or instead of "The end"?
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Last edited by Sculpt; 07-24-2020 at 08:25 PM.
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  #6  
Old 07-25-2020, 03:05 AM
dougbwill dougbwill is offline
Little Boo
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sculpt View Post
I enjoyed it! My favorite part is the doll coming up onto the back of the bed and moving forward. I love the way you move the doll! Some shots are just special. I'm assuming the doll was layered video (Superimposition) onto the bed video, right? Did you shoot the doll clip with green screen? It looks really sharp, great job. The lighting of both work well together. I think it would look great if you did more of that. Crawl the doll up the bed. Might be tricky, but rewarding. What sort of camera and video editor are you using?

The sound clarity and levels of the narration and music are good. Music and sound effect choices and timing are good. The narration is well written and delivered. Got to love the effortful annunciation, micro spacing between words. It may be slightly too good, I hate to say, in the sense a slightly less perfectly rhythmed performance would add a little realism, not draw attention to itself, and if desired, it's an opportunity to 'add a little character' to the character -- as it's the character (actor) doing the narration.

Honest advice?

I think you should add some silence (or music) at the start of the short (at least 3 seconds), as the narration starts less than a quarter second into the short; so it doesn't give the audience time to 'settle in' and make an appropriate 'set and setting' for themselves; and they may miss some of the beginning information.

I think the angle of the shot, of doll on the chair, should be lower, to match the angle of the actor looking at the doll from the couch. The current angle is looking down at the doll, rather than more eye level (which would be the accurate vantage point for the actor laying down on the couch). Additionally, eye level, or even a very slight angle up, would make the doll more ominous and dominate, more threating.

Let me say first, the so-called 'non-cinematic' lighting/exposure of your short gives it part of its character, sort of cinéma vérité or 'found footage'. Your short is kind of cool and interesting to look at because it isn't 'cinematic'. Having said that -- I'd recommend that you turn off everything auto on your camera -- make it all manual. That's because the camera is making subtle changes in exposure during your shots -- so we see apparent changes in light, color and focus during shots, for instance at the 2:00 mark, you can see these changes as you get the couch and go out the door. Also the coloring of your face when you're lying in your bed 2:33-34.

If you wanted a more cinematic look (and I'm not suggesting you should) there's things to try. I recently saw this youtube vid explaining that a bit here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HVYrr3kFp4.

And story wise for the end... you could make a clever ending via the narration. The narrator is telling the story. What would the 'doll possessed' character say at the end?... before or instead of "The end"?
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to watch and comment. I was blown away by your kind words!! I am thrilled that you enjoyed it.

And you are correct, for the Doll effect I used a green screen and then layered the footage in Final Cut Pro. As far as my equipment I shot everything with my iPhone and a tripod because...I'm broke. I record all the sound effects and narrations with a cheap external microphone and then put it all together in Final Cut Pro.

That's really great advice about the narrations being too perfect. That is something that I never thought of and I think making it a little more natural would really improve the story. Thank you.

I also right like your input about the camera angles and a more cinematic look. That is definitely something that I'll keep in mind with future videos.

Thanks again for watching and for your wonderful advice! I hope you have a great day!!
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