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Old 10-27-2007, 08:15 PM
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My Script

Let me know what ya think.

Missing Persons

Scene One
Ext. Night - Highway

**The scene opens to a dark night. A highway is in shot. Only the light of the highway brighten the scene. A pair of headlights is seen coming on screen. From a distance the car drives towards the camera passing some stores and a restaurant. The camera closes in on the car and then scene switches. Two teens are riding in the car. One is a male and one is a female. They are smoking what seems to be a joint.**


Skylar
Baby this shit is good isn’t it?


**She passes the joint back to the male.**


Vincent
(looks at Skylar coldly)
It’s not bad. But I Hope we find a place to crash soon, cuz I’m dead tired.


Skylar
Yeah I am ready to pull over and call it a night.


**Vincent nods and then rests his head. In a matter of seconds he is already out cold.**


**Skylar turns the knob of the radio on and puts some music on. Playing is Stereomud’s Stepping Away. She continues to drive. Ahead we see a gas station. She turns on her turn signal and begins to turn into the gas station. She pulls up and gets out of the car. She puts the pump into the tank and then goes towards the store attached to the gas station. She approaches what seems to be a bathroom. She enters and it’s a small beat up looking bathroom. She enters a stall and pulls out a bag of coke. It is already cut up as she makes a line right on the toilet paper dispenser.**



Skylar
Here goes nothin’.


**She takes a big hit and then bends her head back to let it rush. She seems already messed up as it hits her.**


Skylar
My dealer was right, this stuff was worth the price.


**She rubs her nose and packs up her coke vile. She puts it into her hand bag. When she looks back up, she screams as she sees Vincent standing behind her.


Skylar
(Startled)
Vincent….what the fuck!!??


Vincent
Sorry I scared you babe.


Skylar
That’s ok baby, did you come inside to do some of this with me?


**Skylar rubs some of the coke on Vincent’s lips and licks the powder off his lips, while pressing against him, oblivious to the cold, pained look on his face.**


Vincent
(taking her face in his hands)
Skylar darling, I need you to tell me something, and I need you to mean it.


Skylar
That you’re the hottest guy in the state, and that I would love to fuck you right now?


Vincent
No, I need you to tell me that you love me.


Skylar
(now kissing his hand, the coke taking effect, doesn’t notice his eyes staring intently into hers)
Vinnie baby
(pauses)
you know I
(eyes move from Vince’s)
love...


**As the word love leaves her lips, Vince backhands her, sending Skylar sprawling to the floor. Holding her jaw, Skylar watches in mute horror as Vince walks towards the bathroom door and locks it.**


Vincent
You stupid lying fucking whore! You don’t think I know?! How could you do this to me?! I knew all about your little secret!



**Vince notices Skylar trying to get up, and he kicks her in the stomach, sending her back to the ground.**



Skylar
V- Vince, I...I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about!


**Hearing this, Vince grabs Skylar by the throat, slams her against the wall, lifts her off her feet, and begins choking her.**


Vince
Still?! Still you lie?! I was going to give you everything you ever wanted! We swore to each other that we would be together forever! How could you do it?! HOW!!!!


**The scene will be intercut with closeups of Skylar being choked, Vince’s eyes, and her feet dangling off the ground until there is a low gurgle, and then Vince, realizing what he just did slowly lowers her to the ground, kisses her on the forehead, and takes a small box out of his pocket. Vince opens the box, takes the object out, and the camera sees him tie an engagement ring to a black piece on string which he then wears as a necklace. As Vince washes his hands, he hears another car pulling up to the gas station, and he peers out of the door.**


CUT TO:


Scene Two
Ext. Night – Gas station


**Another car begins to pull into the gas station. It is another two teens. One is a male and the other a female. The male gets out to pump the gas. He notices the car in front of them. The car door is ajar. The male walks up to the car. He looks inside noticing pictures on the driver’s seat. One of them is crumbled up. He picks them up looking at them. The pictures consist of Skylar doing drugs, her killing someone, her dancing around with a bottle of Ever Clear, and finally of her kissing another man.**


**FLASHBACK SEQUENCE BEGINS**


**We see a tall, stocky man carrying a case of beer. He is walking towards a house. He knocks on the door and waits a moment. The door opens and we see Skylar. She smiles as the man enters. The screen fades to black. It fades back in to clothes on the ground scattered around. It fades out again. Fade back in to see Skylar and this mystery man kissing. Fade out.**


**FLASHBACK SEQUENCE ENDS**

**The scene cuts back to the man at the car. He seems shocked at what he sees. He begins to back up and he sees something in the back seat. It is a dead body in the back seat of the car. He begins to frantically stumble backward.**


Rebecca
Steve what the hell is wrong?


Steve
Nothing Becca, get in the car now!


Rebecca
But what is it?


CUT TO:
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:16 PM
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Scene Three
Int. Night – Restroom


**As Steve pleads with Becca, Vince hears Skylar’s taunting voice behind him.**


Skylar
Oh good job you dumb shit! First you kill me, and now you’re going to get arrested after this moron finds me, and the coke!


Vincent
(facing his delusion)
Shut up and let me think. I already killed you, so killing two more people won’t be difficult.


Skylar
Yeah, that’s right, you’re such a stone-cold killer. Correct me if I’m wrong Vince, but didn’t I do most of the work during our little “road trip”.


Vincent
Showing a guy you’re tits so I could slit his throat doesn’t count, now shut-up, he’s coming.


Skylar
Kinda doubt he’ll hear me stud muffin, I’m you’re delusion, not his.



**Vince finds himself a hiding spot behind the door as Steve walks in. Seeing Skylar’s corpse on the floor, Steve looks around the bathroom, as he looks, the Vincent comes out from behind the door, puts his left hand over Steve’s mouth, muffling his screams. Before Steve can fight back, Vince stabs him twice in the kidney’s and ribs, Steve’s blood oozes out of his mouth through Vince’s hand. As Steve drops to his knees, Vincent smile a devilish grin and pushes Steve’s body over. Steve’s body hits the floor with a thud! Vince hears the door open.


Rebecca
Steve, are you alri.....AAAAHHHH!


**Rebecca’s screams are cut short as Vince slams her head into the door.


Skylar
Nice touch. You know, seeing you kill that guy reminded me why I wanted to get with you in the first place.


Vincent
Shut the hell up. You’re the one who ruined that. Fucking that beast of a man. I still can’t believe you would pick that lanky asshole over me.


Skylar
Vinnie? Shut up and kiss me. One last time………


**Vincent walks over to Skylar and begins to kiss her.**


CUT TO:


**Rebecca’s POV of Vincent making out with nothing. Groggily, she get’s to her feet and starts running towards her car. scared.**


Skylar
(whispering in Vince’s ear)
Uh-oh darling, I think we got ourselves a rabbit.


Vince
Then I’ll skin it.


**Stepping out of the restroom, Vince hurls his knife, which embeds itself into Rebecca’s leg, making her collapse into a heap on the ground.**


**Walking towards Rebecca’s prone form, Vince grabs the handle of his knife, pulls it out, and kicks her over onto her stomach, then leans down on her waist.**


Rebecca
(crying)
Wh-why are you doing this? We didn’t see anything I swear!


Vincent
You saw enough……


Rebecca
I...I
(she looks at the knife in Vincent’s hand.)
I don’t want to die.


**Vincent grins that devilish grin and the scene fades black. The sounds of struggling, a woman’s muffled cries are heard then repeated sounds of knife penetrating flesh. Her cries turn from shear fear to blood curdling.**


**The scene fades back in to Vincent driving in Steve and Rebecca’s car. He reaches towards the CD player and turns the radio on.**


Reporter
We interrupt this station to bring you coverage on the Highway killings happening in Deptford, New Jersey. Two armed assailants are going down each and every highway in NJ and are killing a mass of people. The known number of victims is in the twenties and is rising. We have a description of the two that we will tell you right now.


**As they begin to describe the killers the camera cuts to Skylar’s dead body matching her description and then to Vincent matching his.**


Reporter
(CONT.)
These two people are known to be armed and dangerous. Any information on this story please call your local authorities.


**Vincent smiles as he turns the radio off. The scene fades to black.**


Scene Five
Int – Day – Check Cashing Store


**The black screen fades back in to three missing person pictures seen on a wall. The three people shown are: Steve, Rebecca, and Skylar. The camera pans down to a cashier counting money. A figure walks up to the window as the cashier continues to count.**


Cashier
(Continuing to Count)
Can I help you?


**A hand slides a paper through the hole in the glass window. The cashier reads the paper. It is a check made out to Steve Johnson. The cashier looks up to the man and it is revealed to be Vincent. He smiles and the cashier begins to count out money. The cashier puts it into an envelope and hands it to the man. The cashier pauses a moment and then looks stunned, the cashier looks at the check and sees Steve Johnson and then looks back at the missing person signs saying the same name.**


Cashier
Hey wait a minute!

**By this point Vincent is gone. The camera pans from inside the building to the outside watching Vincent’s car speed away into the sunlight.**


FADE OUT

The End
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:27 PM
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I'm not going to lie, I hate it. There's one glaringly obvious reason I would hate it and the other is the blunt and sometimes odd dialogue.

I don't have time right now, but when I come home I will go in to detail about what I like, and what I hate and why. :)
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:28 PM
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GorePhobia GorePhobia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by X¤MurderDoll¤X View Post
I'm not going to lie, I hate it. There's one glaringly obvious reason I would hate it and the other is the blunt and sometimes odd dialogue.

I don't have time right now, but when I come home I will go in to detail about what I like, and what I hate and why. :)
I'm sure it's probably because you don't like anything ever.
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:36 PM
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I like to think I just have refined tastes.
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:38 PM
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Yeah...well when you get the chance "break it down" for me.
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Old 10-28-2007, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GorePhobia View Post
Let me know what ya think.

Missing Persons

Scene One
Ext. Night - Highway

**The scene opens to a dark night. A highway is in shot. Only the light of the highway brighten the scene. A pair of headlights is seen coming on screen. From a distance the car drives towards the camera passing some stores and a restaurant. The camera closes in on the car and then scene switches. Two teens are riding in the car. One is a male and one is a female. They are smoking what seems to be a joint.**


Skylar
Baby this shit is good isn’t it?


**She passes the joint back to the male.**


Vincent
(looks at Skylar coldly)
It’s not bad. But I Hope we find a place to crash soon, cuz I’m dead tired.


Skylar
Yeah I am ready to pull over and call it a night.


**Vincent nods and then rests his head. In a matter of seconds he is already out cold.**


**Skylar turns the knob of the radio on and puts some music on. Playing is Stereomud’s Stepping Away. She continues to drive. Ahead we see a gas station. She turns on her turn signal and begins to turn into the gas station. She pulls up and gets out of the car. She puts the pump into the tank and then goes towards the store attached to the gas station. She approaches what seems to be a bathroom. She enters and it’s a small beat up looking bathroom. She enters a stall and pulls out a bag of coke. It is already cut up as she makes a line right on the toilet paper dispenser.**

so far so good.

Skylar
Here goes nothin’.

I think the here going nothin' line should definitely be cut.

**She takes a big hit and then bends her head back to let it rush. She seems already messed up as it hits her.**


Skylar
My dealer was right, this stuff was worth the price.


**She rubs her nose and packs up her coke vile. She puts it into her hand bag. When she looks back up, she screams as she sees Vincent standing behind her.


Skylar
(Startled)
Vincent….what the fuck!!??


Vincent
Sorry I scared you babe.


Skylar
That’s ok baby, did you come inside to do some of this with me?


**Skylar rubs some of the coke on Vincent’s lips and licks the powder off his lips, while pressing against him, oblivious to the cold, pained look on his face.**


Vincent
(taking her face in his hands)
Skylar darling, I need you to tell me something, and I need you to mean it.


Skylar
That you’re the hottest guy in the state, and that I would love to fuck you right now?


Vincent
No, I need you to tell me that you love me.


Skylar
(now kissing his hand, the coke taking effect, doesn’t notice his eyes staring intently into hers)
Vinnie baby
(pauses)
you know I
(eyes move from Vince’s)
love...


**As the word love leaves her lips, Vince backhands her, sending Skylar sprawling to the floor. Holding her jaw, Skylar watches in mute horror as Vince walks towards the bathroom door and locks it.**


Vincent
You stupid lying fucking whore! You don’t think I know?! How could you do this to me?! I knew all about your little secret!



**Vince notices Skylar trying to get up, and he kicks her in the stomach, sending her back to the ground.**



Skylar
V- Vince, I...I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about!


**Hearing this, Vince grabs Skylar by the throat, slams her against the wall, lifts her off her feet, and begins choking her.**


Vince
Still?! Still you lie?! I was going to give you everything you ever wanted! We swore to each other that we would be together forever! How could you do it?! HOW!!!!

just not a fan of the dialogue, that's a personal thing though.

**The scene will be intercut with closeups of Skylar being choked, Vince’s eyes, and her feet dangling off the ground until there is a low gurgle, and then Vince, realizing what he just did slowly lowers her to the ground, kisses her on the forehead, and takes a small box out of his pocket. Vince opens the box, takes the object out, and the camera sees him tie an engagement ring to a black piece on string which he then wears as a necklace. As Vince washes his hands, he hears another car pulling up to the gas station, and he peers out of the door.**


CUT TO:


Scene Two
Ext. Night – Gas station


**Another car begins to pull into the gas station. It is another two teens. One is a male and the other a female. The male gets out to pump the gas. He notices the car in front of them. The car door is ajar. The male walks up to the car. He looks inside noticing pictures on the driver’s seat. One of them is crumbled up. He picks them up looking at them. The pictures consist of Skylar doing drugs, her killing someone, her dancing around with a bottle of Ever Clear, and finally of her kissing another man.**


**FLASHBACK SEQUENCE BEGINS**


**We see a tall, stocky man carrying a case of beer. He is walking towards a house. He knocks on the door and waits a moment. The door opens and we see Skylar. She smiles as the man enters. The screen fades to black. It fades back in to clothes on the ground scattered around. It fades out again. Fade back in to see Skylar and this mystery man kissing. Fade out.**


**FLASHBACK SEQUENCE ENDS**

**The scene cuts back to the man at the car. He seems shocked at what he sees. He begins to back up and he sees something in the back seat. It is a dead body in the back seat of the car. He begins to frantically stumble backward.**


Rebecca
Steve what the hell is wrong?


Steve
Nothing Becca, get in the car now!


Rebecca
But what is it?


CUT TO:

I'll add to all the scenes, I admit I skipped over a big part of the story last night.
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Old 10-28-2007, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GorePhobia View Post
Scene Three
Int. Night – Restroom


**As Steve pleads with Becca, Vince hears Skylar’s taunting voice behind him.**


Skylar
Oh good job you dumb shit! First you kill me, and now you’re going to get arrested after this moron finds me, and the coke!

this I just think is bad and overused, not just that but I think the line is just bad.

Vincent
(facing his delusion)
Shut up and let me think. I already killed you, so killing two more people won’t be difficult.

again, not a fan

Skylar
Yeah, that’s right, you’re such a stone-cold killer. Correct me if I’m wrong Vince, but didn’t I do most of the work during our little “road trip”.

good line there

Vincent
Showing a guy you’re tits so I could slit his throat doesn’t count, now shut-up, he’s coming.


Skylar
Kinda doubt he’ll hear me stud muffin, I’m you’re delusion, not his.

another good line, bonus points for stud muffin

**Vince finds himself a hiding spot behind the door as Steve walks in. Seeing Skylar’s corpse on the floor, Steve looks around the bathroom, as he looks, the Vincent comes out from behind the door, puts his left hand over Steve’s mouth, muffling his screams. Before Steve can fight back, Vince stabs him twice in the kidney’s and ribs, Steve’s blood oozes out of his mouth through Vince’s hand. As Steve drops to his knees, Vincent smile a devilish grin and pushes Steve’s body over. Steve’s body hits the floor with a thud! Vince hears the door open.


Rebecca
Steve, are you alri.....AAAAHHHH!


**Rebecca’s screams are cut short as Vince slams her head into the door.


Skylar
Nice touch. You know, seeing you kill that guy reminded me why I wanted to get with you in the first place.


Vincent
Shut the hell up. You’re the one who ruined that. Fucking that beast of a man. I still can’t believe you would pick that lanky asshole over me.


Skylar
Vinnie? Shut up and kiss me. One last time………


**Vincent walks over to Skylar and begins to kiss her.**


CUT TO:


**Rebecca’s POV of Vincent making out with nothing. Groggily, she get’s to her feet and starts running towards her car. scared.**


Skylar
(whispering in Vince’s ear)
Uh-oh darling, I think we got ourselves a rabbit.


Vince
Then I’ll skin it.

like it

**Stepping out of the restroom, Vince hurls his knife, which embeds itself into Rebecca’s leg, making her collapse into a heap on the ground.**


**Walking towards Rebecca’s prone form, Vince grabs the handle of his knife, pulls it out, and kicks her over onto her stomach, then leans down on her waist.**


Rebecca
(crying)
Wh-why are you doing this? We didn’t see anything I swear!

I think this should go on a little longer before the mandatory "why are you doing this?" line. the wait is torture, maybe she says a bunch of cliche horror victim lines that go unanswered by Vincent?

Vincent
You saw enough……


Rebecca
I...I
(she looks at the knife in Vincent’s hand.)
I don’t want to die.


**Vincent grins that devilish grin and the scene fades black. The sounds of struggling, a woman’s muffled cries are heard then repeated sounds of knife penetrating flesh. Her cries turn from shear fear to blood curdling.**


**The scene fades back in to Vincent driving in Steve and Rebecca’s car. He reaches towards the CD player and turns the radio on.**


Reporter
We interrupt this station to bring you coverage on the Highway killings happening in Deptford, New Jersey. Two armed assailants are going down each and every highway in NJ and are killing a mass of people. The known number of victims is in the twenties and is rising. We have a description of the two that we will tell you right now.


**As they begin to describe the killers the camera cuts to Skylar’s dead body matching her description and then to Vincent matching his.**

I love this actually.

Reporter
(CONT.)
These two people are known to be armed and dangerous. Any information on this story please call your local authorities.


**Vincent smiles as he turns the radio off. The scene fades to black.**


Scene Five
Int – Day – Check Cashing Store


**The black screen fades back in to three missing person pictures seen on a wall. The three people shown are: Steve, Rebecca, and Skylar. The camera pans down to a cashier counting money. A figure walks up to the window as the cashier continues to count.**


Cashier
(Continuing to Count)
Can I help you?


**A hand slides a paper through the hole in the glass window. The cashier reads the paper. It is a check made out to Steve Johnson. The cashier looks up to the man and it is revealed to be Vincent. He smiles and the cashier begins to count out money. The cashier puts it into an envelope and hands it to the man. The cashier pauses a moment and then looks stunned, the cashier looks at the check and sees Steve Johnson and then looks back at the missing person signs saying the same name.**


Cashier
Hey wait a minute!

**By this point Vincent is gone. The camera pans from inside the building to the outside watching Vincent’s car speed away into the sunlight.**


FADE OUT

The End
Not a huge fan of the ending either... I do like the story though, I missed a lot of it the first read which is why I hated it.
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Old 10-28-2007, 01:32 PM
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So overall what do you rate it out of 10?
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Old 10-28-2007, 04:03 PM
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the ending isn't so bad actually.

well hmm out of 10? I dunno. It's definitely flawed in my opinion, but I would say a 7/10 (weak 7/10 because of some of the dialogue though) with potential for 8/10
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