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Steak is SOOO much better rare :D :D :D |
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There was a theory going around a couple years ago that my penis was actually three penises in a flesh-coloured sleeping bag. I tracked down the person who started this rumor and promptly disproved it. How, you ask? To this day, even I don't know. |
oh my god
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I heard from this guy at a busstop that STE's penis can quote every line from the Off Broadway production Hedwig and the Angry Itch, including the final performance at the acclaimed Victory Gardens Theatre in Chicago.
...but every time it does it grows a little bit smaller. |
first of all, how can something "grow" smaller?
second, it's not really getting smaller, it's just a very good actor BTW, ever see my penis and Optimus Prime in the same place at the same time? No. Coincidence? I think not. |
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I heard somewhere that every time Michael Jackson did the Moonwalk, it wasn't actually him dancing but rather just the effect of the gravitational pull of Sam's ego. :p
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We shouldn't really laugh at Sam...
I mean, consider the negative aspects of having this thing... 1) Having to drag around all that extra weight 2) Having to buy customized pants 3) Being forced to have sex from another room than the one the girl is in 4) Having to show security people (at airports, borders, etcetera) that he is NOT smuggling a rocket launcher...or a boa constrictor 5) Being eyed suspiciously by grocery store workers who may think that he is trying to shoplift sausages 6) It often seems to have a mind of it's own...Don't you think that maybe sometimes Sam could be afraid to go to sleep...He HAS voiced concerns that it will one day strangle him 7) The risk of tripping and breaking his neck 8) The simple act of jumping up and down could cause serious injury 9) Lawsuits from people who claim that he has poked their eye out at porn theaters 10) Masterbation would be a BITCH And it has been rumored that it may have kleptomaniacal tendencies....Ever seen how an elephant picks up a peanut with its trunk?...Ya gotta think about that one a little bit I'm sure there are more...One can only imagine ALL of the hardships that he faces because of this... |
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