Alright I don't have a problematic life. The biggest problem I've had is girls don't like me, but who gives a shit. I'm not trying to rub it in your face, just putting it out there in case my advice isn't helpful.

Fuck meds. Have sex with someone if you have to. And about shrinks and you not wanting to go to them, you come here to talk to us about it, why not see a professional? But my suggestion: If people don't like you for who you are, fuck them, get new friends.

To tell you the truth I find the song funny, and the video is hilarious, and on a normal day yeah I would prolly laugh, but i really don't think its funny right now. Or at least i'm not laughing at it. But thank you for your concern man, seriously.

I am going to go to my doctors and get a checkup that I haven't had in like 3 years. It will probably he tough but I'm going to try to tell him about how I feel and ask him what I can do. He doesn't like to rely on meds, so before he does that hes going to try to help me figure something out. I called him and talked to him about it allready. He told me pretty much what you guys said, and a couple other things. But he did say he wants me to see a shrink as soon as possible. So I have set everything into motion, and he understands that I'm waiting until I have insurance again before coming in and taking care of that stuff.

Like i said about the sex, I personally can't have sex with people I'm not in a relationship with. It really doesn't feel right, thats just how I am and how I was brought up. It just doesn't appeal to me to go out and have sex with somebody I barely know and have no connection to. Like I said, I guess I'm a romantic, but thats just me. Thanks for the advice though. Everybody has been very supportive and it makes me feel a whole lot better.

I spent the ages of 15 to 22 predominately suicidal, with moments of joy being the aberration. The only way to get through it and feel good at the other side is to finally take things back. Happiness is all about feeling the power you have over your situation. Everything you can do that makes you feel like you've accomplished something, everything you can change, do it. Start small and work your way up. Make little goals and be satisfied with small triumphs until bigger ones can come.

Lately I have been questioning my own motives and wondering in silence whether I had made the right choices along the way.
Some , I agree have bought me a great degree of happiness , but admittedly at the expense of some one elses, the sad part here is that despite knowing this..I feel no regret.
Does this make me shallow?NO, its called survival of the fittest.If you want something to benefit yourself [because now is the time to start thinking and fighting for yourself] as selfish as this sounds.For years I have always been the dependant one , the one who picked up those who had fallen over, fed those who were hungry etc but when I fell over , there was no one there to help me on my feet.For a long time I accepted this as " just the way things were" and I took this as my fate.., but I accept it no more, From a placid, loving caring kinda person a person who would still help her fellow man ..but at a price. :)
My heart bares the scars of lost battles [ i stole that line from a book] :o

So today I feel a little bit better. I still feel like everybody just walks allover me, and I'm still depressed, but its not as bad as the past couple of days. I still wonder what it would be like if I wasn't the person that I am, like if I didn't care so much, or how it would be like if i was an asshole like everybody else around me. But I can't be like that, I'm just not wired that way. I just want to be happy with who I am, and how I am. I don't know what its going to be like after I do go and get some help, but I'm hoping it turns out to be better than now. I want to be able to go out and have fun without having to worry about the shit I normally do. Now that I think about it, I think the last time I didn't really care about what people thought was when I was a kid. I always had so much fun back then, and I didn't have to worry about how I acted or what other people thought of me. I want to be like that again, I just don't know how I'm going to do that. And I know its not going to be easy to get over the problems I'm having, but I know I have to work for it, and do it myself. because I'm really the only one who can do that.

I want to thank you all again, for all the advice, and all of the support. I haven't talked about this with anybody else(accept my doctor), but tomorrow me and my best friend have plans to go fishing. I think i'm going to talk about it then. And see what he says. But if it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would be able to. Thank you. I know its probably alot easier to talk about it on here, because for the most part its still pretty anonymous. But you guys are giving me the courage to talk about it openly. Again, thank you for that. It really means alot to me.

Glad to hear it babydoll, alot of people here love you and hope the best for you.

And as far as my comment about fucking...I meant hole up with someone you care about, I thought that was a given;)

Well, I'm feeling better after the past couple of days. ANd I got to talk to my friend about it yesterday when we were fishing. He's being supportive, and said he pretty much knew that I was having these problems allready, though I didn't tell anybody up until saturday. So thats good, and I just come to find out I should be getting insurance in another week or so. Which is about the time my cast is supposed to come off, so thats good. But I planned on taking it off myself anyways. Other than that I dunno, I just figured I'd give you guys an update

Glad to see everything is starting to look up for you, bro. I hate seeing you so depressed and all of that. Like I have said time and time again I am here for you if you need to talk.

Yeah man, its great to hear that things are going a little bit better. Just remember that everyone around here is looking out for you...and we know you'd do the same for any of us :)

Thanks guys, I was expecting people to flame me for this thread, i'm glad i was wrong.