My Husband and I are Seperated.
 

My husband and I are separated.

This is my story(it started on sunday).

Well, he got sooper pissed because i smoked a cigarette even though the other day he drank rum(his excuse was it is low carb) and then he left me at his families house where his cousins baby's first bithday was taking place and his dad took Christopher(Adams son) home so I got high with his sisters and his aunt well, when i got home he asked if i smoked anything other than cigarettes and i said "i didn't say anything when you drank rum the other day" he said "that doesn't matter" and i said "fine it doesn't matter", and then he kept nagging me about if i did or not then i finaly told him and he got pissed off and started to walk away and then turned around and told me that i needed to find a place to go for the night and to not take the truck because i don't pay any money for insurance or gas even though last thurs i gave him sixty something dollars for gas and insurance. So, I packed up Alyssa and myself and we stayed the night at my friends house. well, then yesterday he told my sister that he was going to prove something to me by getting drunk all day. he was proving something about me getting high when he was spending time with his son but, i didn't do that until after he left me stranded at his uncles and then bob took chris home. so fuck that. Well, he blames all of our problems on working at Wal-Mart and my sister staying with us. He said that he is only less than half to blame. Well, we have had problems so much longer than Wal-Mart was included and my sister was never really there when we were. If anything she helped make things a little better for me. She helped with cleaning a bit and she helped me with Alyssa so that I could get things done. Well, to end that part of this entry, we are over until he can PROVE to me that he has stopped drinking. He will have to be sober for at least six months and been going to AA meetings. He can still see his daughter, with someone there. I totally understand why Maria treats Adam the way she does when it comes to Chris because I dont' want him alone with Alyssa either. Until he is clean and sober for some time.

Well, I am staying at my moms trailor. She hasn't stayed there in a long time. I'm thinking about seeing if she will sell it to me. That would be awesome. Then I wouldn't have to move anywhere. It would be so easy on me with Alyssa. I could just get a job from here and not have to worry about where I am going to move to. Hopefully she says yes. That would be so great.

Oh and I don't have a phone or internet at my moms house so, I'm kinda lonely there in the evenings.

Well, I'll try to write in here more often, when I'm babysitting.

Trishia

I wonder how many people are going to view this without saying a word to me?

That makes me feel so much like I don't have any point here. Maybe I shouldn't have posted it anyway.

O well, too fucked up in the head to care.

Too bad I decided to quit smoking...

wood_elf_pansy
 

I hope that everything works out for You.:)

I'll reply. I'm in a similar situation, We don't have any human kids, just avery old dog (16 1/2) and a fat cat (10 1/2). My boyfriend is a complete control freak and if you do something that isn't the way he'd do it, you're not only wrong, you're stupid. I had been going through some severe depression when my mom dies in November and alot of work and home stress and strarted drinking too much. He harped on me about that, That time he was right, although a little les harping and more compassionate help from him would have helped more. Anyway, so I cut way back on my drinking. Then he starts harping onme because he thinks I drink to much WATER! I only drink a couple of 16 oz. bottles of water a day which from what I read is less than a person drink. My point is, if I improve myself in one way, he'll just find something else to put me down for. The building we live in is in my name, and I keep telling him to buy it for me so I can get out of here, but he doesn't do it.

Long story short, don't let him get you down. At times like these you need to build on your inner strenght, family and friends.

Take care and hang in there. Feel free to IM me if you need to talk off the general board.

Hope this helps,
-monalisa

scaryminda15
 

good luck with that. dont worry i just put a new thread and i got 12 views and no answers. Man are confusing to me too. they can do what they want but we cant. well that is just my opionion.

Sorry, I meant buy it FROM me. I know, I'm anal. :)

I hope it all works out for you. And well done for quitting the ciggies! :)

monalisa
 

monalisa,
You need to find a guy who'll let You drink all the water You'd like.
Who is He that He thinks He should monitor Your fluid intake.
Personally..... I think I'd tell that fucker to eat a dick.

I sympathise...but I've got not a great deal worth saying more than, as a mother, make sure you act in the best interests of your child...and if it takes measures like these, so be it.
The situation, however strange and difficult, can sometimes be far better than the alternative, especially if there's a drinker involved. Everyone in a relationship should treat their partner as such, a partner, an equal...talking for five minutes can resolve more than an hours yelling, remember this, and if you remain calm, and he doesn't, just walk away.
Take some time away, to yourself and perhaps while you're gone, his sense of priority well develope a little, maybe there's some things you should think about too...a lot of times, in anger, people can say things specifically intent to hurt bad, and those things can not only make the situation worse, but also be hard to take back, sometimes impossible. The situation gets worse, and sometimes the little people are caught in the middle, not a nice place to be, not at all saying you're to blame, I'm just saying that sometimes people can do/say things without realising, especially when theyre angry or distressed.
All the same, time on your own should allow you to assess the situation without bias, and a clear head.
I hope everything turns out ok.

- B.

scaryminda15
 

Monalisa,

I think that he shouldn't be telling how much water you should drink because it is heatlhy and better than drinking. My dad does the same thing i lost weight like 25 pounds and he said it wasnt enough. some man can be so mean sometimes. well good luck with your life and im sorry to hear about your mom. stay strong.

Arrrrrg. I meant PM me.

-Mona the anal one ;)

Thanks and I know drinking water is good forme, he'll never sucedd in that one. But this is his habit, he complains, I, the eternal lets just try to get along person, improves my behaviour the best I can. And trust me I give him pleanty of suggestions for what he could do to make things better, he'll agree and then just do the same old shit anyway,

Sorry, didn't mean to take over wolf_elf_pansy's thread. But Trishia, this proves you are not alone! Hang in there girl!

Oh, to hell with my spelling, There aren't any spelling Nazis out here are there?

scaryminda15
 

oh ur welcome monalisa. so wolf how are u handling this?

That is all I'm worried about. How to take better care of my daughter. That is why I decided to quit smoking.
You know, I didn't yell, I actually haven't yelled at all this time. I have been through it so many times I am kinda like an emotionless blob, well I was pretty pissed about certain things but, I got passed it. He is the one who was yelling. Blaming others for his actions. I can't deal with his crap anymore. So I'm not.
I am doing that but, I doubt he will change. He has a son and he never sees him unless a family member picks him up and brings him to him. He hasn't even tried.
I have held my tounge on saying things to hurt him. I don't want it to hang over my head. I was once the little person caught in the middle so I know exactly what you mean. The main reason that I have been with him for the past year of unhappiness is because I didn't want my daughter to grow up without her father and I wanted her to have a happy normal life but, to be with him would make that not happen.
Thank you for your comments B.

Yeah, guys suck. If I ever get into another relationship(a long time from now) I'm gunna become a lesbian... lol

Re: scaryminda15
 

how old are you again?

It's all good. I'm hanging in.
I'm a wanna be spelling nazi... :)

Well 1st
 

Sorry that this is happening. Second I hope everything works out for you but it doesn't sound like it's going to anytime soon. Whatever you do don't go rushing into any other relationships right away. It might be a good idea to take some time & think about what to do with your life. I feel for you because it sound like this man was part of your whole world. Anyhow I'am sorry for what your going through.. :(

Re: Well 1st
 

I don't want to get into ANY relationship at all. I want to worry about what is important, my daughter. I want to give Adam time to realize what he had and get shit done to get it back. I don't want for us to be done for good. He is my world no matter how bad it got. Things will, hopefully, get better and we will eventually get back together. We have broken up many times and got back together everytime obviously. He is my highschool sweetheart and I DO want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just can't be with him right now because of his drinking. It isn't good for my daughter, or mine and his relationship.
When he quit drinking for a while we were really happy. At least I thought we were. Then he thought that he could control his assness when he was drinking and got a six pack, the next day he got a beer at a restaraunt and that night he got a six pack, the next day and the next day, six packs then it started working its way up to 12pks and now he's been drinking rum. He gets mean when he is drinking and my daughter doesn't deserve to live her life in fear of her father like I did. I don't deserve it either. Until he straightens his shit out, we are going to spend time apart. I am pretty sure he will find someone else before I do.

Forgive me
 

It sounds like Adams the one with the problem & this might not have anything to do with you. I'am sure that you feel you'll be there for him but as someone whose dealt with his far share of people with substance abuse issues take it from me. He's going to have to hit rock bottom on his own & then realize what he's missing. Its hard putting the pieces of one's life back together when it's just you doing the work. All of this is going to take time & believe me when I say it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done but it will happen. I've been through this & it simply hurts to see yourself doing the work & the other person hurling themselves into the abyss. Hang in there it's a very very long road to travel but your right your daughter is worth it. My 2 cents for what its worth.

Re: Forgive me
 

that is what I have been trying to tell his dad for the longest time and he just keeps paying the bills when he quits his job and moving back in to help keep things going even though he has a wife at home. I aparently hurt his feelings yesterday because I told him to live his own life and let his son deal with the fact that his daddy isn't always going to be there to pick him up when he falls down. He wont listen. I bet he is there right now cleaning up the puke or taking out the beer cans with pee on them(another long story). He isn't going to stop drinking or hit rock bottom with his father there to help. He isn't going to fix his family until he does. I wish that this would end already.

Thanks for your two cents Soloman.:)

Em sorry for what ever the hells going on
over there ..but ..what exactly is the problem ??
Your pissed cos he drank rum..he's pissed cos you smoked..
and he's pissed cos of your sister and wal-mart..
'note'..never move family members in to your home...they tend to forget to leave after awhile ..and make themselves
comfortable in interferring with your relationship'/s.

Sounds to me like the both of you are still children who had a child ..
and such a beautiful child she is too....
Holy fuckery!!!

As for you mona lisa...
your man complains cos you drink too much water??
These aren't men...these are little boys ..but the shitty part about both of your stories are..
you allowed these little boys to rule you .. from the start of the relationship..
and has continued to allow them to dictate to you...even after having children...and ..now it becomes a problem...AFTER THE CHILDREN..
Because of that alone..these little boys will always have an input into your lives...they don't want/need wives..girlfreinds...etc..
THEY WANT THEIR MUMMIES..
send them to thier mummies and tell her to keep them untill they reach puberty..
fucking morons

I don't know how sincere you were being when writing this but, this is how I take it...

The problem is my husband is an alcoholic and yes I let him "rule" me but, only because I wanted to work things out. I couldn't fucking help falling in love with him. I didn't want the good part to end. The bad part just kept getting bigger. And on another note, You have NO RIGHT to call me a child. You don't know just how grown up I am. The only thing that I care about is the safety and happiness of my daughter. I wanted to have a family. That is why I had my daughter and got married, aparently he really wasn't ready for the commitment or responsibilty.
My sister has only been with us a week and a couple days and she worked at around the same time he did and he slept all day so he wouldn't have ever seen her. Plus she wasn't ever really there. She visited her boyfriend a lot.

You know what, normally I don't let things like this get to me but, for some unknown reason how you put that really got to me. My entire life I have done nothing but, take care of my siblings and want a family of my own. I am so far from being a CHILD. I am done talking about this now. I can't deal with this shit anymore. For me to come here looking for some comforting words or to know I am not alone with this shit and to get someone who thinks it is just fine to call me a child when I am the one who left him for acting like one so that I can be the Mother my daughter deserves brings me right back down to where I was yesterday. Thanks for the kind words I guess. I'll be off now.

Re: scaryminda15
 

Good for you losing 25 pounds! That's great. When I was younger I got picked on because I was too skinny, yes skinny people get picked on too). I hate to tell you this, but the older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. So, my point is, you're doing a great job now. Feel good for what you have done, don't let anyone else put you don't and think it's less that the accomplishment that it is! Now, if I could only get myself to take my own advise. :confused:

It always saddens me to hear about marriages failing. In this case though, it truly sounds to me like your husband is the one at fault. Alcoholism is a terrible condition, and good on you for removing yourself from that situation. You should realize that he can't be a devoted and loving husband to you until (or if) he gets his own head straight. To sum up, don't put all the blame on yourself. I know it's much easier to assume that you are the one with the problem, I've been there. But if you put things in perspective, many times you'll realize that you've done everything you could possibly do in the situation. I hope things work out for you. :)

Well, he got sooper pissed because i smoked a cigarette even though the other day he drank rum(his excuse was it is low carb) and then he left me at his families house where his cousins baby's first bithday was taking place and his dad took Christopher(Adams son) home so I got high with his sisters and his aunt well, when i got home he asked if i smoked anything other than cigarettes and i said "i didn't say anything when you drank rum the other day" he said "that doesn't matter" and i said "fine it doesn't matter", .......


Where in here does it say ..'he's an alcoholic'??
Or are we again supposed to be able to read your fucking mind????
You re read this and tell me again how this
sounds like a real adult discusiion..!!
Your both acting like children..hence..you both are..
Also ..point out to me where it says..
my sisters only been with me a week ..??
And again..show me where em questioning your motherly skills..
BTW..everything i write is sincere..and if you can't take my comments are something other than..then..
'stubborn mumbles under her breath'

You know what, You're right, I didn't state that he was an alcoholic. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before somewhere else but, that is neither here nor there. I'm sorry for the responce I left you. I am just not myself lately. I am so upset by the way he could act toward myself and his daughter. I also didn't tell you that my sister had only been there a week so, I apologize for that as well.

In all sincerity, how am I acting like a child?

Thank you for your comment.

OK Woody Elf (better than Elf Woody. HA-HA, never mind). Go find a comfortable chair and kick back. Take a couple minutes to just breathe. Breathe in so your abdomen, not your chest, goes up and down. When you breathe out, imagine all nasty thoughts getting blown out with your breath. Sounds silly, but it helps me to relax.

Hope it helps,
monalisa

Shouldn't all this be in the "Ask IA75" thread......he really is pretty good at advice.



I think he has a degree.

I'm sorry to hear about this wood_elf_pansy (I'd call you pansy for short, but it doesn't sound too good in your part)! I hope you feel better and that things will work out for you!

Yah, thought about that before, but I just am not wired that way I guess. The affection thing is cool, I love affection. But I'm not into muff-munchin' unless it's my muff getting munched. ;)

I have a question??

Did you not know that your husband was an alcoholic before you married him and had children with him??

Did you think about the shit your child is going to go thru having an alcoholic for a parent?

You made your bed now you have to sleep in it.

My advice is to leave his ass and never look back. You will be better off and so will your daughter.

Alcoholics do not ever stop being alcoholics. They may not be drinking but they are still alcoholics just the same. I know maybe 1 person in the world who is willing to deal with an alcoholic drunk or sober and make it work and it sure as fuck aint me and I am willing to take alot of shit.

you know that was an asshole way to write it, but it was all true. I have left him and im not going back. i have refrets but without him i would necer have had my reason to live, my daughter. thank you all for your support and your comments that were rather... idk. whatever but thanks

trish

IA??hahahahahahaha

aw he rocks...
yeah ask his advice ..he will set you straight.

Just saying what I really think instead of giving you a line of bullshit.

Of course I hope and pray to the Gods for you and your daughter that the best comes of it.

You shouldnt have regrets. Whats done is done. The only thing that should matter in your life is your daughter and her well being.

Forget this was ever a thread...
 

I don't plan on asking advice from anyone else. I am done asking for advice. When I do that people always end up making me feel like I should leave the love of my life. But, in the end, I know we will always get back together. Yeah, he may be an alcoholic but, that is a disease. Would people leave there spouses because they had Alzheimer's? I don't think they would. The more I thought about it the more I wanted to stay with him to help him get better. We were doing ok mostly other than the fact that we were both on edge because of things that had been happening lately. He was drinking but, that didn't have as much to do with it as I made it seem. Yeah, it had A LOT to do with it but, not all of it. There was his job and us not having anytime with each other. Amoung many others. Well, we talked about everything and WE are both going to go to AA meetings and we are going to move so that where we live doesn't stress me out. A lot has to be done to get us to where we will be so much better off but, it can't get done if we are being stupid and seperate. I didn't marry him to get divorced. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I want him to be in his daughters life full-time not just when it is convenient. You know?
Forget that I even posted this stupid thread. I just get so confused and worked up. When I get scared I run and I have been trying to keep myself from doing that.

Thank you all for your comments.
Trishia

Sigh'
why are you jumping on us for offering open and honest opinions?
Isn't that what we are here for.
Its just letting you know that we care about your situation...it may not be what you want to hear but its the truth.

Your man has to admit that he has a problem..
you can move house...attend as many AA meetings as you wish.. but nothing will eventuate until then.
Also ..stop making empty threats..
thats not a cure its a cause as well..
he knows that he has 2 things he can surely depend on..his booze and his woman..so he has nothing to lose.
Loving him is understandable..but not good enough at this point.
If he see's that he doesn't have that safe boundry..then maybe he will take steps to improve his situation.
We discipline our children when they step out of line..he wants to act like a child...then treat him like so.
Last point...a fatherless child is better than a child living in a house full of disrespute..
I sympathise with you both..and despite what i have posted..i wish the 3 of you well.

think again before posting trip my freind..
despite what you may think..not everyone falls for that ..gonna hate me now cos of my opinion bullshit'
What would you prefer..or pansy..
a thread that has no replies ..which states clearly to the person that no one gives a fuck.
Nobody in here is jumping on her...but if she is gonna reply with 'what a fuck thing to say' ..then of course a reaction is forthcoming.
For xrist sakes...
Who the hell is pouncing on her?
stop looking for contraversy when none is apparent...but if thats the reaction we can expect then granted...this will be the last time i 'personally' will offer up anything to any of this nicks threads.
Finally...go flash a dick..!!!!!!!