Why do I do It??... ranting at myself.
 

Went out for a few beers last night, first had to dump my car round a friends house, then we walked and got the bus to the pub.

Met quite a few people and some I hadnt seen in a while, drank a few beers. Actualy most of it was lager, and I regret it now cos lager gives me a stinking headache the next day no mater how small amount I drink. I normally drink beer. Anyway, we split up and a few of us went onto another pub to play pool.

We got kicked out the pub around 11:30 ish and a few of us were going back to a mates house.... I had to anyway to sober up, cos I couldnt drive home. They had weed, and since I quit that stuff a long time ago I wasnt gona smoke it. Then I thought I'm gona be round there, they're gona be getting stoned and I'd have to sit there with this stinking headache getting worse and worse.

So stupidly I said lets get some coke, and since I was merry, not drunk, and hadnt had any for at least 5 or 6 years I had this absolutely goddamn fucking stupid idea to get some. They agreed and wanted some aswell. Someone rang and within 15 minutes we got hold of some.

As you might guess, I didnt get in till 8:45 this morning and ended up sleeping all day and most of the evening, and now it's 3:11am Thursday morning and I'm bloody awake.

I'm regretting it now, spent most of the night and morning playing Xbox, watching a couple of films which was good I guess, and in between talking lots of crap, ......since having this absolutely stupid idea, and the fact that I should have stopped having stupid spontaneous fuckedup ideas years ago...... I guess that idiot within me just cant be tamed, even at my age, and I let it get the better of me sometimes.

And another thing I get annoyed sometimes with myself is the fact that, I have different groups of friends, the younger ones in their 20s are the ones I tend to do stupid things with, and another group of friends, who are similar age or older, I act my age with and If I go out with them, I'd never even dream of doing coke or anything like that, and neither would they

I know to you guys, going by the way I can be here, and my avatar and whatnot, does give the impression that I'm the sort of guy who lives in a bar drinking all day.... For me it's a sort of a release from normality and I can come here and mess about and have some fun with you guys. I know I used to drink quite a bit when I was younger... ended up in casualty/ER 3 or 4 times through drinking too much, but never through taking drugs, I guess I knew my limits with that stuff, but ever since a couple of very serious occassions involving me, a couple of other male and female friends, whome I no longer associate with... I stopped doing 'recreational' drugs and told myself I'd never touch them again about 6 years ago.

It just pisses me off that sometimes on rare occassions now, I get stupid and I change the way I would normally be, and that is reasonably sensible, considering I was brought up well and 'would' say that I have repectable morals. I just hate regret because it makes me feel bad for a while afterwards.

Well i for one talking out my ass seeing as how i don't know you. If doing it every 5 or 6 years is all you do then you're doing a pretty good fuckin' job. Plus, it reminds you as to WHY? you haven't done it in so many years. Reality check if you will. Don't be so down on yourself, it's good to revert back at times, keeps ya in check for the rest of it.

Shanks I can relate to practically everything in your post...

I tend to do stupid shit like that myself man...And I end up feeling the exact same way you do..

Huh? *Gasp*

dude, i can feel your pain. i do the same thing. i drink socially, and go for years at a time without doing any recreational drugs, but then i'll see some friends, and before i know it, im doing something that i wish i hadnt done. but, you know, fuck it. there is nothing you can do about it now. just try to hold out till next time. just dont get busted, because that really would suck.

You da man shanks.....And remember if you get fucked up and have a lil fun (cuz thats all it is) ....remember that it is all in fun.....:D :D :D

my head still feels like my nose has been shot to pieces and it's gona fall off..... I'm sure it didnt used to feel like that years ago.

I think a nice detox is in order today, loads of fruit and a couple of pints of orange juice.

As for a next time, well that all depends on whether I mix with a certain group or not. I dont find it dificult staying away so thats good.

just be careful out there............

Aww Shanks...Don't feel bad, Sweetheart...Really, I did something SERIOUSLY fucked up Monday night...It was all cool at the time, but when the moment was over (and I was sober), it sucked major ass...Guilt...Regret...And more than a little loss of respect for myself...BUT, I MORE than made up for it, tonight...Sooo...Live...Learn...And move on to bigger, better things...We all trip and stumble from time to time, but we still know who and what we are, when it's all said and done

Haven't done shrooms in almost 2 years now. But everytime someone brings up the subject, I get shivers. That's the only thought that makes me shiver on cue.