The Evil Female Conspiracy
 

Something that's been driving me crazy for a long time, and I can stand it no longer.

I've noticed this little nuance time and again from almost every woman I've worked with/dated/been friends with in general. So subtle, yet it lingers ominously in my mind.

So ladies of HDC, I ask you this: what the BLOODY HELL is up with those little Ziploc baggies of orange crackers?!

They're prevalent in every workplace I've ever seen. I'm not even sure I've ever seen someone eat one of them. Yet there they are, menacing me every day like some kind of evil-culinary decorative soap.

The agony and anguish they cause. I present to you exhibit A: A friendly work conversation turned fiendish.

Female Co-worker: Hey, Flayed! Would you like to share my snack with me?

Famished Flayed: Why yes! Thank you madam, for offering to share your delectable delicacy with me!

Famished Flayed rubs his hands in anticipation, envisioning mounds of beef jerky or perhaps a can of tasty salted cashews. Then, the inevitable bag of offending crappy crackers appears.

Famished Flayed: What the hell is that?!

Female Co-worker (now sprouting horns): HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Seriously, what the hell are those things?

Aww, I'm sorry Sweetheart...As one of the "ladies of HDC", all that I can tell you for sure, is that we horror chicks tend to be a little different than most other girls...So, we probably don't do the same things that the girls you're talking about are doing....In any case...I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, or what those things might be...lol


If I asked you to share a snack with ME...It would most likely be Slim Jims, Hot wings, Black Pepperjack Doritos, a cheeseburger, burrito, or something along those lines...


Maybe what you're talking about is some 'girly' thing chicks do....And so...I (not being the LEAST bit 'girly') wouldn't have any idea...

MY HERO!

Dorritos...mmmmm....
Beef jerky...mmmmm...
Slim Jims...mmmmm....

I do like those Goldfish crackers, though. And Skittles.

Like Rayne, I'm at a total loss as to what the nefarious "little orange crackers" might be. I would advise that you stay the hell away from them.

Little orange crackers....*shudders*

I've seen that orange cracker thing, and it's true. Usually it's cheddar goldfish or Mini-Ritz crackers. Always in a sandwich-sized ziplock bag.

Drives me nuts too. But it balances out because, you know, chicks always have aspirin in their purse. Or a pen, if you have to write something down.

These:

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thum...y_crackers.jpg

I swear they don't come in any other packaging; just Ziplocs. I don't think I've ever seen them on a store shelf. I'm fairly certain there has to be some kind of evil ritual (most likely involving the eating of a baby) to summon them.

HaHa...Cheezits...But, normally they come in a REAL bag (with logo and everything :D)...Or a box....I don't know what the thing is with the chicks you know, cuz we always just give them to the little ones to nibble on...

Cheese-Its. Yep. Those are the worst kind. They make you stupid, too, if you have more than ten of them. That's what the wimmens want you to do.

Is this the secret? Can I combat these bite sized horrors by talking like the manliest of men, Popeye?

Hey!...I know how to make them stop eating them.....Just tell them that they're REALLY fattening, and that there's something in them that makes their thighs and asses HUGE, while making their tits flat..lol...I'm pretty sure that isn't true (except, I don't know about the 'fattening' part)...But, I DO know that 'typical' chicks are afraid of anything 'fattening'...lol