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The Darkness (2016)
Sometimes, a bad horror movie can have some redeeming quality to make it at least watchable for its runtime even if you'll forget about it the next day. Then, about once a year, the stars align, Wes Craven rolls in his grave, and a movie like The Darkness limps into theaters, a horror flick that's so inept at everything it tries to accomplish that it only triggers catcalls from the audience. In The Darkness, the whitest family I've ever seen goes on a family trip to the Grand Canyon, and by some ridiculous series of events, the son brings back five rocks that have Native American demons inside them. The family is now haunted by some incredibly convoluted curse, and demon stuff happens. I can't even say anything specific because nothing really scary happens to this family. Every single scare is just a door opening, the faucet turning on, a dog nonchalantly walking down a hallway, or handprints appearing on the wall. There aren't any scares because every time something that resembles a shock comes along that thing isn't scary! It's a faucet! The only thing that came out of the faucet was a little bit of water, they didn't even try to put blood or black crap coming out of it or anything! And then in an effort to save this god forsaken atrocity, they try to put some stupid family drama in the plot that's referenced once and never mentioned again. The daughter has bullimia? Who cares, put black handprints on her! Mom has a drinking problem? Might as well have the faucet turn back on! Not to mention there are several characters that enter the plot for two scenes and then mysteriously disappear. I've never seen a horror movie so incompetent at every single basic aspect of filmmaking. I can't pinpoint one exact reason why I hate this movie so much other than the sole reason that it exists. I could name about fifty other movies that I've given bad reviews that I would rather watch than this train wreck. I think I can now give every other horror movie the benefit that it's not as bad as The Darkness.
I typically don't like giving zeroes just because giving something a 0/10 seems ridiculous, but when a film is this infuriating, I have to.
0/10
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