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Oh man... I can't even begin to describe the last 36 hours that have done everything from completely stripping my ego and showing me exactly who I am, what I want, and the way I have been talking to people. I use such aggressive words because I don't take the time to think and when I get angry I want to explode with the most hurtful things I can and I know that's what drives people away because I never learned how to slow down and stop nuclear bombing everyone with all of my emotions all at once when most of the time I don't even know what I'm feeling because I immediately feel regret afterwards.
What I can tell you guys from memory is this. After I Disappeared last night, I ate more shrooms because I did not get the experience I wanted the first time. I was lying on my couch and I had 10000 Days by Tool playing on my stereo and I had on my TV a psychedelic trance video that I was watching as I was listening to the music. If you are familiar with the album, the song Jambi what's playing and it's very upbeat and in the video it was very colorful and the color started coming for me like it was trying to pull me in. It's slowly got closer and closer until the song stopped and the colors and imagery that was coming at me came back into the TV I guess because somehow I was picturing it with the music.
And now comes the interesting part. Wings for Marie started playing which is a very low and very dark song with thunder even so naturally different colored dragons start coming at me slowly and creeping up on me and it's like I could see them blowing fire out their nostrils. They were small but there were many of them from green to Yellow to red and the fire was translucent Orange. At one point a golden dragon started flapping its wings toward me and I got the feeling it was friendly. It passed me and disappeared. As the music continue playing I kind of noticed in my head that it seemed stuck like it was just the exact same two or three seconds repeating itself and then as the dragon started getting closer they just pulled back and everything around me started fading to Black. It was almost as if I was dying, which in a sense I was. However, I knew what to expect. I suppose I was able to burn it into my subconscious which is a good thing because it kept me calm. In fact I even remember verbally kind of laughing and being sarcastic and saying something like oh no here it comes.
The rest is mostly a blur for right now but I am piecing it together and I will get back to you guys with the rest.
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