[Stingy Jack]

Penis + Zipper is a horrible equation. Luckily, I have not been scarred by my experiences (yes, I said experiences - plural. It has happened more than once).

Here's one that I found to be completely disgusting:

Garlic powder + chocolate ice cream.

Don't ask what made me decide to sprinkle my chocolate ice cream with garlic powder. But I did. And it was a taste that I will never forget.

Here's another:

Dr. Tischnor's Concentrated Mouthwash - Water. Yes, minus water. When I first started dating my wife, she had a bottle of Dr. Tischnor's. I didn't know what it was, and the word "concentrated" was pretty small. I did know that it was mouthwash, though.

So, one morning, I took a gigantic swig of the stuff right out of the bottle. Talk about massive pain!!! All I could do was open my mouth and let the mouthwash fall into the sink while I agonized and tried to wipe my tongue with a towel. My tongue, of course, felt like what I imagine a slug feels like when it is doused in salt. Tremendous pain, and an butt-clenching, shrivelling sensation.

I have never used that mouthwash since.