The Amityville Horror [2005]
Have you ever seen a movie and hated it, then a few months later you decide it can't be as bad as you thought, so you decide to check it out again? Naturally it's as bad as ever, and now you're twice as mad because you've now you've wasted 3 hours of your life instead of only an hour and a half? For me, this is just that kind of movie. I saw it in theatres and thought it was garbage, but I recently bought it cheap, thinking/hoping that it would be better than I remembered it. Of course, it wasn't. First off, it had a lot to live up to; the original Amityville is one of the greatest horror films of all time. Most remakes are at least a bit disappointing, but this really takes the cake. First off, we have Ryan Reynolds in the James Brolin role. Reyolds should stick to stupid teen comedies, because this film proves that he's unintentionally hilarious even when he's trying not to be. The face he makes during a scene near the end had me in hysterics. Also, he's about as far from sympathetic as you can get. You really felt sorry for what Brolin had to go through, but you couldn't care less about this guy. Melissa George wasn't great either, her lines had no feeling to them. It's sad to think that what was likely the best actor involved also starred in the abysmal "Fear of the Dark". Speaking of that kid, how out of place was the whole deal with the babysitter? That whole scene was nothing more than pointless eye candy, and she wasn't even all that good looking. It shares this next flaw with a lot of modern horror movies: it takes the audience for idiots. The original hardly explained anything, it left the audience to think. It also never showed us the ghosts. Of course, this has to be the polar opposite. A really out of place scene was added near the end to explain every little occurrence, and we were treated to crappy looking CGI ghosts every couple minutes. I wont even start on how moronic the ending is, just so I don't spoil it for the poor souls who still want to see this drivel. One last complaint: the priest. He was one of the best parts of the original, but in this he only appears for a brief scene near the end, which is a shame as he seemed like a decent actor. The one thing this film had going for it was atmosphere. As pointless as they are, the scenes in the basement near the end visually look pretty awesome. Despite this small visual treat, I say avoid it at all costs. You wont be missing much, rent the original instead. On another note, I doubt that anyone who actually enjoyed this would like the original, but thats a rant for another day.
3.5/10