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Old 03-23-2007, 06:30 AM
Roderick Usher's Avatar
Roderick Usher Roderick Usher is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2006
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#s 1 & 2 are fine. I'd never use the word "camera" in a script, the same effect can be translated by using the "we move" method. But the key is to make the scene cinematic, make the reader feel like they're in a movie.

Here's how I'd write that bit.

EXT. DUSTY ROAD - SUNSET
A small western town looms in the distance. Long shadows fall across the trail with the CLIP-CLOP of horses hooves on packed earth.

Two MEN on horseback pull their mounts to a halt in the center of the road, their faces silhouetted by the setting sun.

MAN #1
Sure as shit don't look like much.

MAN #2
That's the beauty of it, real diamond in the rough.

The Men urge their horses forward with a light kick to the flanks. They ride slowly toward the town, sun at their backs.
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