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Chapter 6
The smells rushed over me as I walked through the kitchen, Jennifer was finishing up the rest of dinner. I waved as I walked by but she was too busy to respond. I walked through the house and looked at all of the pictures up on the walls. I’m not normally one for reminiscing but today I was feeling a little off. There were a lot of professional pictures of my father and my mother. Only one of all of us. We looked happy but I couldn’t remember taking the picture at all. It was so stuffy, no fun pictures. No pictures of family vacations or all of us at the beach playing. I walked slowly through the halls to the dining room. The dining room had four huge arched windows along one wall and the other had a large painting of the house and some of the surrounding land. I felt like I should feel regal walking through here, but I just felt like I didn’t fit in. The table was set and waiting for Jennifer and myself to sit down to eat. The salad was already out and soon the rest of the food would be on the table. I walked down and looked at the table. The two seats to the left and right of the head of the table had plates and utensils set. I thought for a second and decided it was time for me to sit at the head of the table. I moved my place setting and took my seat. I could imagine a room full of people sitting in front of a huge feast, laughing and telling stories. It’s too bad that will never happen. I chuckled a little as Jennifer walked in with the prime rib on a platter and went back to get the sides. It’s going to be an interesting night.
After everything was set and we had food on our plates, Jennifer sat down and tried to start the conversation. She tried with “So, what are you feeling, I mean about your father?” I said “Diving right in, huh?” She looked around at the room a little and blushed “I don’t know how to do this. I’m not normally one for talking about feelings.” She said as she cut into her meat. I replied “Then don’t, I will tell you a little bit about what I think, and then let’s talk about something else.” She nodded an Ok. “Well I really don’t know much about my father, he supported us, he is… er, was a great business man. People all over the world knew him better than I did. I don’t have a lot of feelings about it right now, because he was all but a stranger. I need you to understand that I am ok, and that I really don’t need to talk about it. Deal?” I could see her relax and she said “Understood and Deal” and reached across the gap between us to shake my hand. I grabbed hers and shook firmly. “Now, let’s eat this amazing food and talk about something else.” I said, “Like how the Bruins killed the Redwings last night?” she asked. I had totally forgotten about the game, I was so exhausted. “I can’t believe I missed it, I guess the memorial took more out of me than I thought.” She said “Tonight’s game should be good though, we are playing the Stars.” Excited I said “I forgot there was a game tonight too, we are going to watch it over desert I hope?” “Of course!” She said. We finished up our dinner, as we talked I reached out and touched her arm occasionally just trying to feel her soft skin under my fingers. When we were done she started to clear the table and I stopped her. I said “I’ve got this, you go turn on the game and get the room ready.” She smiled softly and left the room. I cleared the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
When I got into the media room she had the lights turned down and the game was about to come on. I came with a big bowel of strawberries and a bowl of sugar to dip them in. I’m smooth sometimes, she had to sit next to me to get to the sugar. We joked around during the game and after we had finished the strawberries she cuddled up next to me complaining about being cold. I sat still for a minute, my heart racing. I was trying to think of the best way to do this. Finally, I just went for it.
I reached down and put my hand under her chin, slowly raising her face to look at me. She said “What’s up? I’m trying to watch the game.” I didn’t say a word, I leaned down and kissed her deeply. My tongue slid into her mouth and she kissed me back. It was absolutely perfect, exactly how I dreamed it. I ran my hand up her side and cupped one of her breasts. Then suddenly she pushed me away. She gasped and looked at me for a second and jumped up running out of the room. I tried to yell after her “Jennifer, wait…” But she was gone. I didn’t know what to think. The kiss was amazing, and she kissed me back so she definitely liked it. I was so confused that I didn’t even turn off the projector and just headed up to bed.
Lost in thought as I was walking by her room I could hear talking but couldn’t make out what she was saying. I slipped into the storage closet and moved the stack of boxes blocking my hole. I pushed my eye up against it and Jennifer’s room came into view. My eye darted back and forth trying to find her. I could still hear her voice, it sounded like she was sitting in the bathroom and talking to someone on the phone. She sounded, scared? Im not sure what’s going on but I decided I wasn’t going to find out this way. I covered the hole and left the room, being extra careful to close the door softly. I headed down to my room still lost in thought. When I went through the door I stood still for a second not sure what to do. I wasn’t tired, but I felt like I wanted to curl up in my bed. I had butterfly’s in my stomach making me feel sick. After dragging myself to my computer chair I flopped down. “She’s going to hate me forever, I ruined everything.” I said to myself. I just dazed off for a while.
I heard her door close, and footsteps. She was coming this way. I got up and shuffled over to my bed hoping she would come in and want to talk. I listened as she approached. I got more tense with every step she took. She was right in front of the door. I could imagine her hesitating and raising her hand to knock. Then I could hear her sigh and she started to walk back down the hall. About two minutes later I heard her door close. That was it for the night, I fell asleep shortly after trying to figure things out.
The next morning I got up like usual, got dressed and headed downstairs. Still a little foggy headed and full of sleep I wondered into the kitchen looking for breakfast. There was a plate on the bar with eggs and bacon and a glass of orange juice. Jennifer was nowhere to be seen. The food was fresh and still warm and I could smell her body wash in the air. I sat down at the bar and ate my food in silence, it was kind of earie. As I was eating my breakfast my mind kept drifting back to the night before and how perfect it was followed by how horrifically it ended. After my meal I got up and rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher taking note that there was another plate and glass there as well. She didn’t want to eat with me. I started to wonder if she planned on doing our lessons today. I guess we will find out, I headed out of the kitchen and down the hall to the little study that we used as a classroom.
Jennifer was there writing on the dry erase board. She didn’t hear me come in and I snuck up behind her very quietly. When I got to my desk I picked up a book and slammed it down. It hit the table with a loud “THUD” She jumped and spun around holding her chest. I started laughing but she didn’t. She said sternly “Michael! That’s unacceptable! You scared me, now sit down and get out your notebook.” I was stunned by her brashness, that was our game, how could she get angry with me for playing. Hurt I sat down and took out my notebook. This was going to be a very long class day.
After we covered all of our subjects without any of our normal joking, she said thank you and headed out of the room. I couldn’t believe it, she wasn’t going to talk to me anymore, I really did ruin everything. My mind started spinning, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I thought I was going to pass out again. I took some very deep, calming breaths hoping that would bring me down off of the ledge. But as I came down, I grew more and more angry. Was she actually rejecting me? After all of the fun we had how could she possibly just cut me out of her life? My vision started to fade over, my breathing became very deep and all I could think was how I needed to hurt something, now. A slew of images shot through my mind, images of Jennifer naked and of peeling the skin off of a small animal. I could feel the blood on my skin and smell its coppery essence in my nose.
When I started to come out of the haze I was standing outside of the fort with my jacket on. I didn’t remember leaving the house or walking through the woods, but there I was. My legs started moving but it didn’t feel like I was doing it. I could see everything but it felt like somebody else was in my body. I watched as I moved around the front of the shed and walked in through the door. The tarp was pulled back down into the hole but this time I could hear something moving around down there. I started to get really excited. Still just watching myself move through the fort with intent, like I had some sort of plan, I was thinking about how awesome it was to have a new toy to play with. I pulled the toolbox out and opened it up. Surveying the instruments inside I nodded my head, this should be perfect I thought. A little shiver went up my spine, “I felt that!” I tried to regain control but I couldn’t, it looks like I was just there for the ride.
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