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I was lost, I felt something jerk in my chest and I felt my head spin a bit. I didn’t know what to think and I really didn’t know what to do. I sat on her bed and cried until my eyes hurt. I loved her with all of my heart and she betrayed me, she never loved me back. She must have just been playing me for the paycheck this entire time. I can’t believe I would let myself get fooled so easily. My vision blurred and went red, the world felt like a dream. I got up slowly, cheeks still dripping tears, and walked back through the room. The air felt like water, like it was hard to walk and everything moved slowly. My mind was racing though. I kept trying to think of ways to get back at her, but she was on the other side of the country. I wanted to kill something but I had nothing to kill. I stopped walking, took some real deep breaths and tried to clear my head. The haze pulled back slowly uncovering my vision. The liquid feel of the air started to melt away. I think I might be getting the hang of this, I might be able to control this.
After waiting for a little while and making 100% sure that I was thinking clearly, I headed back downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast and think about what I was going to say to mother. The house felt especially empty now, knowing that Jennifer wasn’t there. I was a little worried about myself, I felt something strange upstairs, like my mind was slipping a little bit. But I moved that to the back of my mind and scrambled myself up some eggs and made toast. I ate contemplating what to say to mother. She was going to assume that I had ran Jennifer off and she would be upset with me. How can I protect myself and make me look like the victim?
I sighed and decided that I needed to just go do it. I hadn’t seen my mother for a while, not sense our run in in the kitchen. I walked down the hall to the bedroom that used to be her and my fathers but was just hers now. I could smell the sadness and desperation as I got closer to the door. I hadn’t really thought about my father much sense the memorial, sense I decided that I didn’t care. But it seems like mom thought about him a lot, I could hear her weeping through the door. I stopped and collected my thoughts, knocking I said “Mom…” I waited a second and heard her moving around. An image ran through my mind of her rushing around the room to clean things up a bit before opening the door. Then I heard the knob move and the door creaked a little as it opened just far enough for her to see me. She said “What’s going on honey, everything ok?” I felt the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I said “I need to talk to you, something has happened.” A worried look came across her face. The pain that was already there along with the worry broke loose my tears. She watched silently as I cried. She opened the door the rest of the way and said “Come in my dear, it looks like you need me.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually been in the bedroom. I looked around and noticed how completely ruined it was. The smell and the air was thick. The odor was ripe, and smelled like rotten food and urine. There was food piled all over the floor, in the corners and around the bed. The curtains where drawn tight on the huge floor to ceiling cathedral windows. The four post bed was dingy and the sheets and comforter looked like they hadn’t been changed in years. She had a TV on one wall with a small chair and table in front of it. There was a TV tray sitting next to the chair, which must be where she ate. The drawers to her dresser were left standing open. The door to the bathroom was open too, there was a terrible smell coming from in there. Luckily the room was pitch black and I couldn’t see inside.
Mother cleared a spot on a fancy little couch by the windows that I hadn’t noticed at first because it was covered in dirty clothes. She sat down and patted the spot next to her. I was trying to refrain from making any faces as the smells washed over me. I sat next to her and her eyes got big as she noticed the bandage on my arm she said “What’s happened to your arm little man?” I looked at her and said “Jennifer left over night last night, trying to change the subject. She left a note that just said that she had a great offer in Washington State and couldn’t pass it up. She apologized for how abrupt she left.” Mom closed her eyes for a second and said “You didn’t do anything to her did you?” I felt a little shocked, did she know something? I said “Absolutely not Momma, I cut myself playing in the woods, why would you think that?” “No reason Michael, just had a feeling that there was more to this.” She said. I guess mother’s instinct is a real thing. She gave me a hug and squeezed tight. It felt so good to be in her arms. She said “Its ok buddy, I will make some phone calls and we will find someone else to teach you.” I reluctantly said “Ok Momma, I guess that will work. Thank you, and I love you.” She smiled and said “I love you too little man, now get on out of here and let me make some phone calls. It looks like you get some time off.” I got up and walked out of her room, still smiling from the hug but feeling broken from the loss of Jennifer.
I spent the rest of that week playing on the computer, my toys and games left to figure out how to play by themselves. I thought a couple of times about going out to the fort and finishing the epic battle between the turtles and Shredder, I even went as far as to get dressed and my shoes on but just before going out I decided to just check and see if anyone was online. Then I got lost in that devious little world fantasizing about how much I would love to be involved.
I was responsible for feeding myself and getting in and out of bed, sense even though she knew I was alone, mother never came out of her room. One evening I went downstairs to make some dinner, and by that I mean put some pizza rolls in the microwave, and I saw a note sitting on the counter. My exploded, the first thought that shot through my mind was that Jennifer had changed her mind and come home. I ran over to the note and immediately recognized my mother’s perfect handwriting. It was short and to the point.
Michael,
I found somebody willing to move into the house and take over teaching you and cooking for us. She seems very nice. Her name is Edith and she should be here Sunday to move in. Please be respectful and show your manners.
Love,
Mom
Edith sounded like an old ladies name, I didn’t like the sound of that. I folded the note up and stuck it in my pocket. Looking at the calendar we keep stuck to the refrigerator, I said “Three days left to enjoy myself. This should be fun.” Just then the Ding went off telling me that my pizza rolls were done and I grabbed them and jetted back up to my room.
The following three days went by like a blur. I spent them all upstairs staring at the computer and registering everything that came across the screen. Every time I had a great idea, I would start a story line and wait for a couple other people to join in. I loved this, it was so satisfying. I started talking one on one to a couple of guys who were very nice and who played along with my fantasies. One of them, Johnny, seemed to come from exactly the same place I did. I told him every dark fantasy I had. He was the only person on this chat that knew my real age. I didn’t tell him anything else because I know better that to trust a stranger. We talked every day, he told me everything he dreamed of and I told him everything that came to mind. I even told him about my experiences with the animals, but I told him them as fantasies. I didn’t need him to think I was actually crazy.
As the days went on, the wounds on my arms healed to the point that I didn’t need the bandages anymore. The scars were going to be very noticeable though, the story I told mom about getting cut up in the woods should work to cover it though. It was so hard to resist picking at the scabs so that I could see that fresh blood underneath. But I restrained knowing that the more I messed with them, the harder it would be to cover them up. Plus Sunday was right around the corner and I wanted to look my best for Edith. I was still nervous about her, but only when I wasn’t distracted with my new game.
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