[Roiffalo]

I had my Wes Craven-thon yesterday, and for two I got on a little bit of a rant. It was unexpected.

Originally Posted by Roiffalo

Wes Craven's New Nightmare
::SPOILERS:: (I went a little ramble crazy I'm sorry)

I can see why people might not think much of this. The opening scene even for a dream is hammy, and could Robert England be any more of an attention whore? But that's what Freddy is right? I'm not to experienced with this franchise so I'll keep most of my opinions to myself.

Wes Craven himself is on set in the first scene and that just made everything okay. Think my eyes are sweating idk

I really want one of those rotating dinosaur nightlights. I keep seeing them in movies and I just think they're so damn cool. And speaking of dinosaurs, how adorable is Dylan using his stuffed t-rex as his guard.

The husband dies and she keeps getting warnings about how horrible the body looks. ...My cats have brought me more gruesome bodies to my doorstep.

But good lord all the original cast at the funeral... I can't help but think of the funeral being for Wes. And then he shows up again like; It's okay. Horror never ends.

Honestly, WHY do people keep trying to make kids scary... The kid ties knives to his hands and goes after mom. Even in a dream that's not scary. Kids are easy to overpower, don't try to convince me a lone child screaming and going after you is dangerous. Or at least life threatening.

Shame about the babysitter. I liked her.

Here's an idea. When going after your kid walking towards a VERY busy highway, instead of climbing over the fence when you have a fully functioning vehicle, DRIVE THROUGH IT.

What's crazy about this film is that even though it looks like it could be late 90s early 2000s, it's from 1994. Hard to tell until they use effects. Then it's painfully obvious.

The blending of the two worlds in the end was gradual but quick at the same time... I have no idea how but it was actually pretty awesome. The movie plays out like a dream from here. Like when you dream you're one place wearing something then for some reason your suddenly in different clothes at a different place and time. It's actually eerie.

I don't have anything to really complain about from here. The dreamworld was fun and fucked up like it should be. Robert England was as fun and dangerous as ever. (About a broken jar of snakes: "Pick a pet for the rugrat, BITCH.")

Curious about the random grey streak in her hair. Was this a reference to an earlier Elm Street film or homage to Poltergeist?

Originally Posted by Roiffalo

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
::SPOILERS:: can't keep my opinions to myself today

I actually saw this before the original, and believe it or not I liked the remake BETTER. Surely I was ill. I'm watching them in reverse this time after not having seen them in so long. I watched the original first and now it's the remake turn. Makes me wonder if the order you watch a movie really effects your opinion on it. It seems to mine. Already I'm nit picking ''well that was rushed'', ''your character in the original wasn't a twat like you'', yada yada.

The biggest and most annoying change is the characters. The old man at the station is a douche who instead of warning them intentionally sends them too the hillbilly cannibals, the father and son in law are so dramatic and the younger mopes while the elder takes every chance he can get to poke at him.

-after getting stranded by a spike strip in the middle of the desert-
"Next year I'm going on vaca with my friends!"
"We won't have any more of these family trips you know."
OH THE IRONY.

OMG SHUT UUUUUUUP. The son in law doesn't take a gun because he's a liberal or something stupid. ...In the original it was because he wanted to make sure the rest of the family staying behind had a weapon in case something happened. Oh, no, this was a MUUUUCH better route.

And I thought the blood effects in the original were bad. That has nothing on poor Beauty's demise in the remake. I have more realistic looking stuffed animals.

The canyon of abandoned cars was a nice touch. Excellent actually. I got fucking chills when he finds a baby's car seat because you know what happened to that infant..

Backstory through newspaper clippings is lazy and stupid.

The cannibals bother me... In the original only two of them were a little abnormal... but all of them are deformed in one way or another in this. Yeah that's just what America needs. More influences to be judgmental. "See someone with a cleft pallet? They're probably going to kill you." In the original they didn't have deformities. They were monsters without having to look the part. That kind of message has a greater impact and means something. Wait, sorry, this is horror. Those rules go out the door right?

The deaths in this certainly are more bloody. They take away every fucking moment. Remember that touching scene where son-in-law finds his dead wife and he begs her not to go and cries over her body? Nope. They blew her brains out in this and used her for a jump scare so they could use bitchface son in law for more drama.

I remember at least the ending was better in the remake. It'ssss... about matched maybe? The movie moves so fast up til this point. Just. Explain this, explain that, do this quick so we can get to that. When the boy told them Beauty was gone he just blurted it out. That's the whole movie. Just blurted out.

The end though we slow down and move with son in law. We get to experience tension and let the scares build up a little. And we also see son in law become a big boy. Suddenly a badass covered in blood and sweat and no glasses. The best part of the movie when he got the blood lust flowin'. Makes me wonder how he raised his daughter after this.

Now let's see how the kids are doing.
Running from a cannibal with no gun while you actually have one... I see a flaw in this plan, do you? Who are these random ass cannibals anyway? Please tell me that wasn't Papa Jupe. And again no suspense with that fight scene...

Completely sucks about Ruby. Saw it coming though. "Monsters" seldom live happily ever after. Even if they saved your baby.


Beast doesn't deserve these people.

I'll do a proper review soon I'm sure. Complete with terrible screencaps.