OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!

[bloodrayne]

This was a REAL bulletin listed at some Baptist website...I mean it, Guys...They are SERIOUS...This is NOT a joke...Well...I mean, to THEM, it isn't a joke...But, we think it's fucking HILARIOUS...
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If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord:

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays video games that contain violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
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So...Confess...How many of YOU have discovered that you are 'Goths'?....Come on...Admit it...You KNOW you gotta have that Count Chocula cereal....CONFESS, DAMMIT!.....LOL:rolleyes: :p :D

[Death By Jell-O]

~Grabs the Torch and Pitchfork~

Time for an old fashioned witch hunt.....:D

[Haphazard]

Originally posted by bloodrayne
The gothic culture
leads
young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness,
and
violence.

I like how they say "imagined world." As if their world of holiness isn't all in their heads. :rolleyes:

[movieman64]

Yep, that pretty much covers it all.

[Angelakillsluts]

I counted 32 of those are applicable to me... I'm not a goth though.

Come on, it has to be a joke.... it just has to be! :p

[allmykids]

If you go by that ALL teens are goth!! Give me a fucking break!! I can say yes to 80% of that . Wonder what that makes me??

[Haphazard]

Originally posted by bloodrayne


-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may
speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)

-

Ooohhhhh! So when I was younger and my parents wanted to get me out of their hair...it wasn't because I was getting on their nerves, or they had a tough day at work...

they were conjuring evil spirits!!!!

I gotta have a word with those bastards!

[Angelakillsluts]

Originally posted by Haphazard
I like how they say "imagined world." As if their world of holiness isn't all in their heads. :rolleyes:

hahah very true, Hap. :D

[Haphazard]

Holier than thou mother speaking to holier than thou father

Oh dear god! Where have we gone wrong...I mean, everyone told me that the teen years would be difficult. But...but, our child is a no-good Count Chocula addict. WHY!!???????? WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY!! *sobs incessantly*

[Angelakillsluts]

Damn that count chocula and his deliciously tempting devil cereal :D