Me

[Psycom5k]

So, just to start out, I want you to know that if you read this, its because after typing this out, I chose to post this. But as of right now I don't know if I am going to or not. I don't really let alot of people know me, truly know me, like my inner thoughts or my feelings. So this is hard enough typing it out, but I don't know what else to do. I thought that if I did I could feel better about myself at least. Or at leat it would calm me down, I don't know to tell you the truth. I'm just looking for some way to get this out. And i'm sorry if this bothers anybody. And i'm sorry for bothering you with this(if I do decide to post it), but please, don't harrass me or make fun of me or anything, I have enough of it in my life allready, and I just can't take anymore, and I think I need help.

Right now i'm really down on myself, I hate myself, and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel like everybody around me hates me. I can't help but get into arguments with anybody anymore. It seems like nobody has any respect for me, my feelings, or my things. I do my best to try to respect everybody, and I appologize whenever I do anything wrong, or even when I know i'm right but I just don't want any problems with people. But it just seems that no matter what I do I just can't get anybody to listen to me or to what I say. I ask them nicely, I try talking to them and explaining it, and I even try screaming at them. But nobody listens to me, its like nobody cares what I think, how I feel, or anything. I can't be me around most people, there are only three people I really feel comfortable talking to about me, and who I am comfortable to be myself around. Its easier for me on here because I have chosen to keep myself for the most part anonymous. I like that because its easier for me to be me then, and I don't have to worry about anybody harrassing me about it, or starting shit with me because all I need to do is click the little exit button and it all goes away. But life doesn't have that little X button to make everything go away. I wish it did though, because it would be much easier. I hate putting myself out there for everybody to see, I don't know how they will take it. I don't want everybody to love me, I just wish everybody liked me. I don't like having problems with people, I want everybody to be happy, I want to be happy. I want everybody to like me for who I am, and I want them to expect me to be me, and not how they want me. And i've had people tell me that I should go and talk to some kind of counselor or a shrink or somebody, but I don't think that its really worth it, because there are much worse things in the world, and there will always be, but in time I can probably get over this shit. But I just don't know what to do anymore, I stopped dating, I hardly go out unless its with my best friend, and then when we're in public I don't feel comfortable at all. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my family about this because I don't feel like any of them respect me, they all act like i'm an idiot, and I'm always wrong with them, even when I try telling them how I feel, truly deep down whats bothering me, they say i'm wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore, i'm at my wits end, and I'm about ready to cut my ties with everybody and just give up. I don't want to, but I can't take this for much longer. I can't even beme around my parents because I'm afraid they are going to be dissapointed in me.

I just decided to post this, because I want to ask you guys for your advice, or your help, or even just telling me that I'm not a peice of shit. Just anything would really help. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for bothering you with this.

[Dante'sInferno]

I understand.I kind of went through the same thing.I can't really put it into words though.My suggestion would probably move,or(yes see a shrink) or get on medication,to help your anxiety.I'm also on medication.I have anxiety too,my medication helps me feel half way normal.So I suggest it.

[Ferox13]

Meds defianlly work for some people but personally i don't think they're a long term solution..

I can definally understand alot of what you are going through.

[Psycom5k]

I do plan on going to a doctor or somebody and talking to them about this, but I don't have any insurance and I can't really afford the meds or doctors bills without it so I'm going to have to wait until augast when I get insurance. I just don't know what I'm going to do until then.

[Ferox13]

There some good immediate ways to deal with it.

Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - they defianlly seem like a good idea right now but thye just make things alot worse.

Try excercise - This may sound trite but it works. It really helped things for me when I was training alot. you don't need to be pumping iron - i guess running - for me I did martial arts which was also social.

A good diet helps too.

[crabapple]

Originally Posted by Psycom5k

But life doesn't have that little X button to make everything go away. I wish it did though, because it would be much easier.

Ah yes, that certainly is true.

Remember, your sig image is a picture of a guy in the process of snapping mentally, and I imagine that you feel you identify with this person in some way. Well, yes, getting some help could work.

Bear in mind, though, what you said about having two or three friends who you feel comfortable talking to about yourself... You may not realize this, but a great many people find themselves in similar situations. The people around you can certainly be abrasive. There is no "little X button," and it doesn't magically stop when you "grow up" (if anything, the bullshit gets more intense!). Many people have only a friend or two they can honestly open up to; this is normal. Many people with "lots" of friends have only shallow, superficial relationships with those friends.

What I mean to say is, while you may feel put upon, the situation you experience is most likely something that most people experience, and you're not alone.

Whichever way you choose to help yourself through this rough patch you are experiencing, there is a high degree of likelihood that you'll come out of it okay. Unscathed? Well, maybe not unscathed. We all have little scars from our experiences. But it's very likely you'll be fine. Try to relax if you can.

The way you describe yourself, you are a decent person who tries to do what is right. As such, it is your job to suffer to a degree, to be the recipient of the abuses that will occasionally be hurled at you by those insensitive people. It's very possible that you would prefer to be yourself, rather than be one of them.

[Psycom5k]

Originally Posted by Ferox13

There some good immediate ways to deal with it.

Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - they defianlly seem like a good idea right now but thye just make things alot worse.

Try excercise - This may sound trite but it works. It really helped things for me when I was training alot. you don't need to be pumping iron - i guess running - for me I did martial arts which was also social.

A good diet helps too.

Well, I always eat well, or at least try to, sometimes I get lazy and eat something easy to cook buts not the best for you. I hardly ever go out to eat, and I almost never eat fast food. I excercise a decent ammount, nowadays since its getting hot I'm almost always in the pool when I'm not busy with soemthing. And yeah I don't just float about(all the time) I do swim alot, so that when I get out I'm tired.

BUT, you're talking to somebody who is probably the biggest pothead on these forums, and also there is a big party at my house starting in a couple of hours. So there is going to be alot of alchohol and weed here. So thats going to be hard to avoid. Though I do promise that I won't drink because I'm depressed. Thats probably the best i can do.

[Psycom5k]

Originally Posted by crabapple

Ah yes, that certainly is true.

Remember, your sig image is a picture of a guy in the process of snapping mentally, and I imagine that you feel you identify with this person in some way. Well, yes, getting some help could work.

Bear in mind, though, what you said about having two or three friends who you feel comfortable talking to about yourself... You may not realize this, but a great many people find themselves in similar situations. The people around you can certainly be abrasive. There is no "little X button," and it doesn't magically stop when you "grow up" (if anything, the bullshit gets more intense!). Many people have only a friend or two they can honestly open up to; this is normal. Many people with "lots" of friends have only shallow, superficial relationships with those friends.

What I mean to say is, while you may feel put upon, the situation you experience is most likely something that most people experience, and you're not alone.

Whichever way you choose to help yourself through this rough patch you are experiencing, there is a high degree of likelihood that you'll come out of it okay. Unscathed? Well, maybe not unscathed. We all have little scars from our experiences. But it's very likely you'll be fine. Try to relax if you can.

The way you describe yourself, you are a decent person who tries to do what is right. As such, it is your job to suffer to a degree, to be the recipient of the abuses that will occasionally be hurled at you by those insensitive people. It's very possible that you would prefer to be yourself, rather than be one of them.

Thank you, seriously, you don't know how much reading that made me feel better. And Dante and Ferox the same to you. Its nice to know I'm not the only one that goes through this. Though I know its ignorant to think that I am the only one. Still, thank you very much.

[Ferox13]

BUT, you're talking to somebody who is probably the biggest pothead on these forums, and also there is a big party at my house starting in a couple of hours. So there is going to be alot of alchohol and weed here. So thats going to be hard to avoid. Though I do promise that I won't drink because I'm depressed. Thats probably the best i can do.

I'm just suggesting whats best.

Having a close mate helps a lot too.

I could never the consolor thing working for me but it has for others. everyones different. You'd be amazed at how many ppl are going through something like you are..you're not alone in this and you'll get through it. but i'm sure thats not much help now.

[Psycom5k]

Originally Posted by Ferox13

I'm just suggesting whats best.

Having a close mate helps a lot too.

I could never the consolor thing working for me but it has for others. everyones different. You'd be amazed at how many ppl are going through something like you are..you're not alone in this and you'll get through it. but i'm sure thats not much help now.

Don't worry, it is.