Blow job etiquette

[FairyKorpes]

A Woman's Take on the Subject:

1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be
grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's
NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk-off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's Rebuttal:

1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?

[MichaelMyers]

Edit:

Nevermind

[The STE]

deep throating sounds gross (not the concept of deep throating, the sound made when doing it), so fine, whatever.

[gren]

what

[bwind22]

*Walks in to thread.*





*Turns around and exits thread.*

[Chainsaw Guy]

Originally posted by FairyKorpes
A Woman's Take on the Subject:

1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be
grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's
NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk-off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's Rebuttal:

1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?

very well thought out

[Arioch]

My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*

I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....

But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....

EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....

I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...

[The STE]

The STE's rules:

1) Don't talk. Just don't talk. No matter what you say it will sound stupid.

2) Got one hand on a hip, one hand on her head? That means you're a dumbass. Go open a vein after you shoot your load. Or preferrably before.

3) Don't slap your penis on her face. It's stupid.

4) Don't slap your penis on her face. It's really stupid.

5) Don't do ass to mouth. It's just gross.

6) Try not to pee.

7) Donkey punch. Always donkey punch.

8) Swallow or don't, just let the guy shoot it in the mouth. It kinda ruins it if you're sucking him off and then he has to beat off into a Mickey Mouse coffee mug (for example). Guys can beat off any time.

9) Snowballing is awesome.

10) Don't slap your penis on her face. If you do, I hope you get stabbed in the foreskin.

[The STE]

Originally posted by Arioch
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*

I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....

But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....

EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....

I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...

*fap fap fap* More description please

[Chainsaw Guy]

Originally posted by Arioch
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*

I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....

But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....

EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....

I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and
sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...

Goddamn you're lucky