Last Seen Contemporary Movie

[Tommy Jarvis]

Dual 2018 ★★★★

This short by Justin Staggs was a lot of fun.

It wasted no time whatsoever and used its 10 minute runtime very well. The monsters were well designed (especially the bear looked amazing), their origin is not overly explained and the ending was pretty funny.

Look out for it on Youtube.

Train 2008 ★★★

Thora Birch stars in this torture porn flick that prides itself as being similar to Hostel and Saw. Hostel is clear because of the torture scenes involving the surgery and the gore. The similarities to the latter are a bit foggy to me, as the villains are not really John Kramer-smart.

We follow a team of American wrestlers on their way to a tournament in Odessa, Ukraine. On the way there, they have to take the train through places with vague Slavic accents that are ten to one not realistic. They themselves do the Greek-Roman type of wrestling, but they still manage to have heel intelligence and Roman Reigns level likability. The scene with the guy running down the hall “naked” was predictable and I wonder why they did not think of having “what's my age again” on the soundtrack. Nice swerve, though, with the guy who looked like a relative of Denis Leary. Throw a bit of shade on him in the beginning and then make him one of the least douchy characters. Nice job.

I enjoyed seeing a genuine gorefest, though. Apart from torture porn and a few other exceptions, that has become pretty rare in the age of ghosties, haunted dolls and ditto houses. Contrary to lesser entries in this style, the script at least tries to give the villains a type of motivation (helping sick people and what not) and gives the final girl a “don't you feel like a total dick right now”-moment.

The gore and the effects were well executed and had one or two good fight scenes. I also liked how the “responsable coach” is the first one to die. More than a few bits (like the scene with the hook and the corrupt soldiers) are however pretty predictable and the foreshadowing on the wrestling are pretty on the nose too. And the ending scene with the wrestling match? Either you cut it all together or you show her really going her all out on her opponent. Now you end up with half assed stuff that does not help anyone.

Overall enjoyable, though. For those who feel like their inner gorehound has not been fed for a while.

Backstroke 2017 ★★★½

I have to admit that I am getting more and more into these horror shorts. Straight to the point, no messing about.

We follow two young runaway lovers who flee to Florida. As a voicemail message at the start of the film suggests, following some sort of family altercation between a rebellious daughter named Amber and a meddling/overbearing mother. Maybe after she shit the bed. Who knows?

Now skinny dipping has never been the best idea in the world when you are in a horror film, but I do like how they use it here.

It creates a nice dynamic between the girl in the water and the creepy guy on the shore. Right from the start, you can tell that he is up to no good. Props to the actress for the way her character tries to hide her insecurity and unease. Not to mention the fear surrounding the fate of her boyfriend. You can sense the tension throughout the scene, especially as her attempts to gain the upper hand fail.

A nice short film with a solid payoff. You get what you expect.

[Tommy Jarvis]

The Last Matinee 2020 ★★★★

Latino Giallo
Ah-ha-ha-ho
Scooping out eyeballs
Ah-ha-ha-ho
Girlie so groovie
Ah-ha-ha-ho
Don't know about you
But I am un chien Montevideo

Thanks Pixies.

Dracula 2000 2000 ★★

Bland, forgettable vampire film that does not really add anything.

But it was nice to see Jonny Lee Miller. As a character called Simon. Again.

How about that?

Room 441 2020 ★½

Found footage at its most dull.

Something is not creepy just because you say it is.

There is no real build up and the scared screaming at the end does not make up for that.

[Tommy Jarvis]

Reservoir Dogs 1992 ★★★★★

30 years after its first release, Tarantino's debut still stands as a genuine masterpiece. From the opening Madonna-banter to the final shootout.

It wastes no time in setting up the tension between the main characters. Who's the rat? Who set us up? The genius in the robbery - they don't know each other, so they can't tell on each other - now works against them. They don't know each other, so they can't trust each other. With one poignant dialogue between mister Pink and mister White as an example of Tarantino's infamous writing. In that aspect, I like the fact that they used the opening scene to set up mister Pink as a bit of a dick. As a viewer, you unconsciously take that baggage with you and side with mister White, even though mister Pink, from a a rational point of view, is right.

And of course, there is the infamous torture scene showing off both Quentin's love for excessive violence and the amazing soundtracks that would continue to dominate his movies. The opening shot with George Baker... yeah baby. Or Madsen into the cut off ear: was it as good for you as it was for me? I thought that was kind of funny. Also, who would not want to drive to and from work with K-Billy's sounds of the seventies?

Another thing I noticed was the smart casting. I know the guy playing mister Blue was a real life criminal, but no seasoned actor. So he does not get much lines and just looks the part. And he does give himself a part, but keeps his part to the thing he is good at: spouting pop culture banter. The people who have to ensure the tension and the credibility (Keitel, Buscemi, Madsen) are all seasoned pros delivering a great performance. Also, this seems like one of the better Tim Roth performances, but that might just be me. Though it did not really make sense to me why he outed himself as a cop at the end. What are your thoughts on these questions?

Two random thoughts:
1) Michael Madsen plays Vic Vega, the supposed brother of Travolta's character in Pulp Fiction. I recall Tarantino had plans for a movie about the two of them, but I'm not sure if that ever really became more than pie in the sky.
2) Between this one and Con Air, Steve Buscemi already had two roles as the sleazebag who somehow weasels through the mazes and gets away and he's pretty good at it.

Five star classic.

Terrifier 2016 ★★★★

After seeing articles about the commotion on the sequel (handing out barf bags, whooptidoo), I got around to watching the first one. One of those let's find out what all the hoopla is about- nights.

Honestly, this turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. What stops me from giving five stars is the lack of plot, resulting in too many characters that in other franchises would be described as randos. Let's drop in a few more characters so that Art has somebody more to kill. That sort of thing.

That said... I loved it. The main asset to this movie is the amazing looking killer. That Art is one scary dude. Masterfully shown in his staredown with Tara at the start. Or the lackadaisical, Jasonesque walk, showing off how much he feels in control. For me, this is also the reason why the jump scares are done so well in this movie. More than once, Art popping up out of nowhere really gives a fright.

And the kills are awesome. Just the type of bloodiness I was looking for, with Jason levels of variation and beyond. Art never repeats himself, so I'll give the gun kill a pass.

I get the criticism on how the movie is mean spirited, but this did not bother me all that much. The snark never became annoying and the dialogue never veered into Rob Zombie-territory. Just kids being kids and getting into all sorts of shenanigans.

Good stuff for the people who don't expect more than a decent hamburger.

Red Letter Day 2019 ★★

Not sure why or how, but I just got a bland collection of graduation day songs, with often easy and lazy sarcasm, going over the highschool stereotypes.

The second star is for the one or two chuckles this got from me.

[Tommy Jarvis]

Terror Train 2022 ★★★

A pretty faithfull remake of the late seventies slasher with Jamie Lee Curtis, with a few updates for this generation. Even the kills follow a rather similar pattern. The mask the killer wore was a bit too Pennywise-obvious scary clown for my liking, but this comes from someone who is a big fan of the Groucho Marx-mask in the original.

The actors were okay. Not that they were bad at all, but to say that anyone stood out would be exadurated either. Robyn Alomar could make for a good scream queen. From what I remember, they made Doc's douchiness more explicit than in the original and Matias Garrido portrayed that well.

The makers add a bit of a twist to the end, but one shot at the start of that scene lets the cat out the bag and spoils the surprise. Besides, you mostly watch slashers for the kills and those are well done. Bloody, while remaining faithfull to the original. And Doc gets the spectacular kill the viewer roots for. Also cool to name the killer Kenny. If I had a dollar for every screening where someone in the theater screamed out the South Park-line(s) … Also, in this time with movies filled to the rim with references, a character named Mo should be killed on screen with the killer going “whee-ee!”

A fun flick for a weekend evening. I've seen (a lot) worse.

Butterfly Kisses 2018 ★★★★

Buterfly Kisses is one of the best found footages I have recently seen and one of the better entries in the subgenre overall.

Its biggest qualiy is how it shows Gavins growing frustration at the disbelief and scepticism he encounters.

The jump scares were well executed, the makers manage to build up the fear surrounding the Peeping Tom and the scene where Sophia takes a desperate measure was pretty intense.

The Stepfather 2009 ★

The type of unnecessary remake that's still released, because... money. And that fans like me watch, because... it's on Netflix and I have a subscription.

It does not really add anything to the original and only delivers a watered down version of the opening scene and the Who am I here-moment. I'm sure Dylan Walsh is a good actor, but his performance has nothing on Terry O'Quinn.

Oh yeah, and Amber Heard was in this one.

[Tommy Jarvis]

The Murmuring 2022 ★★★★

A worthy conclusion to Guillermo Del Toro's Cabinet of curiosities. With an entry proving that horror can very much be an actor's medium. The two actors share a very good chemistry as a loving couple immersed in their work. Both the meet cute glances and the understanding are well portrayed, as well as their growing frustration once they move into the house on the island. Not all that surprising when you find out who the two leads are and where they earned their chops.

The haunted house story was ok, but you could tell it was a bit more in the background in favor of the couple mourning the loss of their child. I'm also sure the birds have some sort of metaphorical value, but I cannot think of what just now.

And there you have it. Guillermo Del Toro's Cabinet of curiosities. Not saying they're all zingers, but the hits certainly outweigh the misses enough to check it out. Looking forward to a possible season 2.

Slut 2014 ★★★

Not really sure what the slut in the title is getting at. The best thing I can think of is that it serves as an eyecatcher or that the girls are sluts in the eyes of the killer. Other than that …

Maddie – need a little touch up work, my ass – is the type of movie ugly girl who stays at home taking care of her sick grandma. She then ventures out into the world and blossoms, both personally and sexually.

Meanwhile, our killer and his methods are introduced. Not very explicit, but sure as shit brutal. The confrontation between Maddie and the killer is action packed, with a predictable reveal and a nice case of premature celebration.

Good stuff. Available on the Alter channel on YT.

[Tommy Jarvis]

At this point, there's about four months of catching up left to do.

[Tommy Jarvis]

The Black Phone 2021 ★★

Overhyped and overrated.

Ethan Hawke's mask looked good, though.

Fight for Your Right Revisited 2011 ★★★★

A pretty funny sequel to the classic music video for "Fight for your right". The "Beastie Boys" keep up the shenanigans in a comedy short featuring an impressive cameorama. See how many celebs you recognize.

Must watch for Beastie Boys fans. And it's available on Youtube.

She Walks the Woods 2019 ★★½

The trailer intrigued me and the opening looks promising. I mean, how can it not with a group of paintballers/soldiers/generic men in kaki clothing either chasing or being chased by something. A quite Aliens-like scene come to think of it. except that there is no Ripley monitoring and by the end, everyone is dead.

The downside: afterwards, it's followed by a by the numbers found footage flick about a group of survivalists creating a web series (your excuse to keep filming). They go filming with a former classmate of one of them, a guy named Dennis. Turns out she is more interested in Dennis than in the series. Fair enough.

But this might be useful in the tension. Now the most use they get out of this subplot is that Mike and Brad seem less eager to save Dennis and rebound on Hope. The movie also never shows how they find the footage of the opening scene. While that could well serve as (one of) the first wtf-moment(s).

Does that make it all bad? Of course not. For the little we see of it, they get a good looking monster. With a limited budget, they also managed to squeeze in one or two solid gore effects. That's notable in a genre like found footage.

[Tommy Jarvis]

The Dollmaker 2017 ★★★

I've noticed this one has been getting positive reviews here. Not saying that it's bad, but I do have more of a case of mixed feelings about it.

It has a good pitch – with a (slight) parallel to Pet Semetary: a character can not let go of a loved one and finds a replacement in a doll. Near the end, there is a totally unexpected twist that really throws you off balance.

Sadly, having this story confined to the duration of short film perhaps puts a strain on it. Now the one dialogue about letting go comes across as forced. As if they want to cram a lot of wisdom in a ten minute short. It seems to me that you can make a feature film out of this. With a lot more space for the build up, for character development, the isolation that are living in or get into,...

Good stuff, though. Thumbs up.

Chris Rock: Selective Outrage 2023 ★★★★

I would like to start off by looking for a word. What do you call that? You are wondering what to do, what to watch. You have playlists and watchlists to last you for more than a year. Hell, at the time of writing, one YT-playlist can pretty much suffice there. But then something catches your eye. Something everyone is talking about and you are drawn in, wether you want to or not. It happened to me with Leaving Neverland and it did with this one. And my lizard brain is too weak to resist the urge to watch it as much as it is to come up with a term for this shit.

Do I like Chris Rock? Yeah, I do. Certainly as a comedian. It's easy to recall bits of his that I liked verymuch: the bullet control bit, the rap bit,... And he is enough of a showman to know what everyone wants to hear about. So he keeps it until the end. And at the same time, he drips in little lines to keep you invested. Oh, it's coming, folks. It's coming, alright.

Throughout all that, he goes through a whole series of topics. The Kardashians, woke, his relationship with his daughters, children, his dating life,... To quote his colleague Jerry Seinfeld: the laughs don't lie. And Chris Rock gets a lot of laughs. From me as well. Sometimes a chuckle and sometimes a hearty laugh. And that's what it's all about. Getting laughs.

Wether you agree with him philosophically or politically, is secondary. And I wonder if there's any point in trying to go into the essence of the incident. Bill Maher already used his “explaining jokes to idiots” segment to brilliantly explain what was going on. That the GI Jane joke was much about alopecia as the chicken crossing the road jokes are about bird flu. Some people did not get that back then. Some people still don't. And some people never will.

And I think Chris Rock understood that. He's not there to get applause or make friends, he's there to get laughs. And he gets those, so... mission accomplished.

Natural Born Killers 1994 ★★★★

In the final stretch towards its thirtieth anniversary, Natural Born Killers still stands as a visually stunning masterpiece and a document of its time. Its message about glorifying people who should not be also still stands, certainly in the age of 4chan and what not. Also, the mental image of Mickey and Mallory asking you to “like and subscribe” should be enough to keep this one from getting a reboot.

The actors all do an amazing job. Woody Harrelson starts venturing away from the happy go lucky role in Cheers by delivering a career defining performance. RDJ is simply great as Wayne Gale. Juliette Lewis shines as Mallory. A bit of a glance of innocence on her face, a bit traumatized, a bit weird, a bit funny, a bit undefinable,... Fun fact: it was only when going thorugh imdb that I noticed that the actress playing Mallory's mom also was the school secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Also: Is this the creepiest Rodney Dangerfield ever?

A genuine rollercoaster ride of a movie, enhanced by the great editing and the amazing soundtrack. Hard to name a scene that stands out, but Woody Harrelson shooting up a prison with Rage against the machine blasting away in the background certainly makes for a good candidate. One of those great symbioses of image and sound. Also: between this one and Shaun of the dead, there are at least two great films to have L7 on the soundtrack. How about that?

Great cinema and well worth a (re)watch.

Ps: RIP Tom Sizemore.

[Tommy Jarvis]

Frozen 2010 ★★★★

One of those horrors that shows how you can make a lot from what like seems like very little. Sadly, also forever doomed to live in the shadow of its animated counterpart.

Three friends gets stuck on a skilift and have to find a way off before the cold and frostbite kill them. That's it. That's all there is to it. The set up is not really noteworthy, so it all has to come from this.

That said, it worked out well. What keeps me from going in and giving the full five stars? The story could not help but lag a bit sometimes and the heart to hearts between Parker and Joe were not all that captivating. You could tell they needed something to bridge the time until another action set piece. And the script did not really seize the opportunity to use props on hand to the extent that movies like Fall and The Pool did.

Does that mean it was poorly acted? I certainly would not go that far. The leads make the friction and unspoken tension between them believable. It's enough to make you care for them and what happens to them. And it has a Kane Hodder-cameo, which always adds to the fun.

What matters though, are the action bits and they certainly work. The gore is used sparsely, but effectively. Although I have never suffered from frostbite, the effects looked credible and the bit with Parker and her hand looked pretty damn painful.

The action bits, however... they keep you on the edge of your seat, biting your nails. Like when Joe tries to crawl over to the next pole. I sat on the edge of my seat, rooting for him to make it. Or them debating wether or not to let Dan jump off. Stupid decision, sure. But hey, every horror film is entitled to one, I guess. Or the bit when Parker finally reaches the ground. It's been a while a movie managed to do that and for that alone, I already recommend seeing it. Mostly for horror afficionados. But judging from the box office returns, this gem already found an audience. Deservedly.

And I cannot finish this without a quick mention for the production company. A bigger boat. With the yellow Jaws-barrel and everything. Ah yeah. Great stuff. Mark out moment.

Raw 2016 ★★★★

I went in for a rewatch and boy, did it not disappoint.

Would it be an understatement to place Raw in the pantheon of Euro horror classics? I think not. If [Rec] has its place there – and why the f*** not, really? – then this one has too.

From the very first shot, you are in this surreal, dreamlike state. Julia Ducournau immediately shows why she has the potential to become the new David Cronenberg.

I love how she uses the cannibalism as a metaphor for discovering yourself: who you are, your sexuality, your nature, your character,... As an example, there is the contrast between the mousy outfit in which Justine arrives in college and the dance in front of a bathroom mirror to a rap song I can only describe as French Peaches.

I wonder how much the hazing ritual was chosen on purpose. Knowing that the French language does not (really) distinguish between a hazing and a baptism, the metaphor for coming of age, rebirth and discovery are not difficult to see. But Julia Ducournau also manages to create an isolated atmosphere where Justine and Alexia live in a world completely different from the sheltered family life they are used to. And yes, this has to be the worst campus in the world, but okay. Fine.

Justine's discovery starts after being force fed a raw kidney. With her sister turning against her – wonder what Freud or other psychologists think of that. As someone who enjoys meat – and LOVES a good rack of spare ribs – I do find it striking how quickly her track goes. From shoarma to raw chicken and then... Well, what else is left but human meat? I mean, once you had the stuff that all other things taste like, where else is there to go? Lol.

Short answer: from chicken legs to human fingers. In a scene that genuinely made me squirm when I first saw it in a theater and still makes me unconfortable as hell. Great job, love.

Throughout all of this, she finds an odd kind of mentorship in both her sister Alexia and her roommate Adrien. Who is introduced with the kind of dialogue that would have a lot of other directors burned at the stake. Adrien is the closest thing to a friend Justine has at this campus. Both outcasts in their own particular way who somehow find solace in each other's company.

Justine quickly becomes isolated from the other students. Not that her own actions (the make green scene) or those of her sister are helpful either, but okay. And the one professor we see over the course of the film is the one who hates brilliant students. Gee, thanks. Tah muchly, professor.

The reveal at the end is a tad predictable. Once the father starts talking, you pretty much know what's coming. But it is well executed and the resultuing imagery is both beautiful and bewildering. Making for probably the most Cronenberg-esque shot of this movie, an image reminiscent of Crimes of the future.

Did I mention that this movie is awesome? And that you should really see it?

The Lonely Host 2020 ★★★½

An interesting short that uses modern day technology and possibilities to its advantage.

A woman rents an airbnb on her way to visit a friend. We never see said friend and all their conversations occur via text (with seemingly accurate spelling, mind you). She uses her phone as a light. Long story short: if you are annoyed by that kind of stuff, it's probably best to skip this one.

But before you do, consider this: if you manage to look past all ofthe technology, the story at the core and the dynamic between the two main characters is as timeless as any horror story. Olivia, torn between awkwardness and wanting to be nice. And her host, who for some reason reminded me of AOC. Well, the Cathy Bates Misery-version of AOC. So lonely and desperate to reach out to other people that it can very easily look threatening.

Fun stuff and it only takes up roughly 15 minutes of your time. Check it out.

[Tommy Jarvis]

Room for Rent 2019 ★★½

I seem to be a bit more mild/less though than my fellow critics. Mostly because I like how Lin Shaye portrayed the sadness and the loneliness of the main character. At first, you really feel for her. Good idea to add the selfish boyfriend in an early scene. Good move.

That said, it does have the flaws of a low budget production. The story had a few flaws here and there. Not everything makes sense. And the acting is what you pay for. But I kind of enjoyed the transition from sad to mad, even leaving open wether or not her late husband died of natural circumstances.

Not great and no list material. But enjoyable nonetheless.

The Haunted Hotel 2021 ★★

Haunted house anthology with a case of too much.

Too many stories, too speedy follow-up and no time to catch your breath.

Trim down the number of stories (keep the writer and the chamber maid and 2, maybe 3 others), flesh out the stories that you keep and make work of a decent wrap around story.

M.O.M. Mothers of Monsters 2020 ★½

This is a dollar store version of We need to talk about Kevin where the found footage style adds nothing whatsoever.