The HDC Fight of the Realms

[The Gate Master]

Originally Posted by scouse mac

Whilst on the bungee ride job, there was an accident which resulted in the death of a teenage boy. The coroner had ruled it an accident but James knew he had not fitted the restraining strap correctly, and rather than take the blame, he lied during the inquest.

A very clever addition to this part of his life. You thought about certain risks and put guilt over his head. You picked up Perception and creativity points here.

Daniel was at college during this time but was still in regular contact with James then, and on a visit to his friend, after a couple of drinks, James had confessed his crime.

Once again, you picked up on a relatively small thing and decided to expand on it. You used the fact that they had been in contact to your advantage, giving you more freedom here. Perception points definitely gained.

This had put a strain on their friendship, hence the distance which grew between them although they did attempt to maintain normality through the exchange of cards and e-mails.

You created reason as to why the two of them grew distant other than just the college work getting in the way. The way Daniel reacted was logical. Perception and logic points gained.

When life seemed to be getting along nicely for James and Judy, Daniel reappeared and approached his friend with how his job was poorly paid, crap house and rubbish life had driven him back home. He was so poor he didnt know what to do.

This was a granted. No points gained here, but it did set up points for the future.

After Daniel had moved in with James and Judy, he waited for things to settle down before putting a plan into action. Waiting for Judy to be out of town for the weekend visiting relatives, he and James relived old times and got drunk together. During this time, Daniel got James onto the subject of the death on the ride. James obliged with a warts 'n all account, listing his culpability and subsequent lies at the inquest. Daniel, using his computer skills, had set up a hidden webcam and recorded the whole conversation.

This was the key point of your version of his life. I was glad you went for a slightly more obscure route than the affair. The way Daniel acted was how a man in such a desperate way would act. And as you had previously shown that their relationship hadn't merely faded and was actually under strain meant that Daniel might not have so many hang ups about doing this. Definite creativity and logic points here.

With this a leverage, he began to blackmail James, small amounts first. As the months past and Daniel got with Caron, they began talking of setting up on their own, James began to hope this leech on his life may finally leave him alone.

This showed the stress and vulnerability that James would be feeling, which would eventually grow to his final deed. Logic points here.

They managed to buy the apartment across town with a large down payment thanks to the savings James and Judy were going to use for a college fund for their children further down the line. James kept all this secret form Judy. As it happened, Judy really got along with Caron (who knew about the blackmail) so the 'friendship' between James and Daniel was seen to be a strong one.

Having the two of them forced to stay in each others lives for their wives. This would continue the strain on James and mean that he was always there to be leeched off of. Perception, creativity and logic points.

Several years pass and life had returned to normal for James, the college fund had been replenished, thanks over working himself at The Red Lobster, and Judy had never found out.

Giving him an up before the down was very clever.

November 2nd, Daniel informs James that he and Caron need several thousands of dollars as they are skint. James refuses but the blackmail threat emerges again, threats of telling Judy everything, including all the lies he's told her, and destroying his family life. They agree to meet two days later at 15:00 in a car park adjacent to the gas station.

I very much liked this. I hoped that at least one of you would make the people he killed in the gas station relevant. If you hadn't, it would be awful but still, it helped you. Perception, logic and creativity points here.

James, out of fear and desparation, has snapped. He refuses to allow Daniel and Caron to ruin his life. He arrives at the meet early and sees the two arrive and go into the gas station. Seizing his chance he casually strolls in and kills them both, along with the attendent for good measure.

A very cleverly thought out piece. You set things up from the past to go through and ruin his life in the future. Your characters acted logically and it was very inventive. You also perceived certain events in very unexpected but intelligent ways. Your best piece yet.

Creativity: 8/10
Logic: 8/10
Perception: 9/10

Total: 25/30

[The Gate Master]

Originally Posted by bwind22

There wasn't anything out of the ordinary in the childhood of James Daniels. What is written above basically sums it up. He was a well adjusted kid from a loving home with a normal family life and normal friends. He got decent grades in school and had no behavioral problems.

At this point in his life, everything is still predominantly normal and as described above, but as you will soon find out, the moment he met Judy was the beginning of his downfall.

A good introduction. It didn't pick you up any points but it wasn't necessarily a mistake. It does rule out anything from his life before Judy but once again, that is by no means a mistake.

What we are not told here is that the person Judy broke it off with, unbeknownst to James, was his childhood friend Daniel. Judy happened to be from the the town neighboring the one where Daniel went to college. Judy & Daniel had been dating for less than a year when she met James and broke it off and decided to move in with him.

A very well thought out twist in the tale. There isn't much to say about it, but it was well thought out. Perception and creativity points gained here.

As I mentioned, one of the friends he made in college was his girlfriend Judy. Because James and Daniel had lost touch, James was never aware that Daniel had a girlfriend at all. Once Judy left Daniel and moved in with James, Daniel's life took a turn for the lonely. He took an out of town job, moved to a shitty house and became quite depressed.

By putting Daniel in a desperate situation you can then bring him into the loop to put stress on the rest, which works especially well when coupled with the affair. Logic and creativity points gained.

When Daniel moved in, he and Judy decided to keep their previous relationship concealed from James. After a few weeks, their passion was reignited and a steamy affair took place right under James' unknowing nose. One night, James came home early and very nearly caught Daniel in Judy in the act. At that point, Daniel decided it'd be best to call off their steamy romance. He moved across town and got himself a new girlfriend, Caron. He and Caron were happy for a short time but eventually his lust for Judy overtook his will to be committed only to Caron and the affair resumed. Neither Caron, nor James had any idea.

It would be likely that they would keep their relationship hidden given the circumstances. The affair was an obvious move, but not a bad one. Also, continuing the relationship even after Caron meant that she could be involved too. Creativity and perception points gained.

Years passed and Daniel and Judy's nefarious deeds continued. James was completely in the dark and never had any clue. As far as he was aware, they were a happy family unit.

[I]On November 2nd, James received a call from Daniel's grilfriend, Caron. She said she had found a pair of panties under the bed and they didn't belong to her. Her suspicions prompted her to search through Daniel's personal items where she found a collection of homemade pornography consisting of Judy & Daniel. She called James to inform him because she thought it was only fair that he knew.

I would have thought that Daniel and Judy would be more careful than to keep home made pornography in their house but it could happen. This would be the ultimate insult to James, putting the stress on him.

On November 3rd, James confronted Judy about it. Judy denied any wrongdoing at first, but eventually came clean and confessed that she had been having an affair with Daniel since 1994. Heartbroken and depressed, James continued asking questions to which he'd rather not know the answer. Then she dropped the bombshell. Lucy wasn't his daughter. James left the house in a fury.

The fact that Lucy wasn't his daughter was a good addition as well, throwing him over the edge. Logic, creativity and perception points gained.

On November 4th, James did not show up for work at Red Lobster. Instead, he parked and waited outside Daniel's apartment. Around 2:30 in the afternoon, Daniel and Judy left the apartment together and got in Daniel's car. James followed them. When they stopped at the only gas station in their small town, James was right behind them. Rage, anger and betrayal were written all over James' face as he reached under the front seat, produced a pistol and followed them in to the store.

I'm not sure why Judy went straight to Daniel's house and went for a drive to the gas station after it had all come out, but it could happen I suppose. Creativity points gained.

James entered the store, pointed the pistol at Daniel and said "How could you?" before pulling the trigger and putting a hole in his forehead. He then turned the gun on Judy and said "I loved you!" before firing again and dropping her to the floor. The stunned cashier instinctively reached under the counter and produced a shotgun typically used to ward off robbers. Before the cashier could get the shotgun pointed towards James, James had put two slugs in to his chest. James then left the crimescene and headed to Lucy's school with the intention of picking her up and fleeing town.

A good ending to the lives of two deceitful people.

A well thought out piece, however there were times were certain actions didn't seem to make sense. However, you still took certain events and twisted them to your advantage as well as being quite creative at times, especially the previous relationships.

Creativity: 7
Logic: 7
Perception: 8

Total: 22/30

[The Gate Master]

Before I begin, I would like to state that even thought this is similar to Bwind22's entry, they were submitted within a short space of time of each other so I do not believe this to be plagiarized. Therefore, no creativity points will be lost for that. Had a larger gap been present, I may have had to deduct points.

Originally Posted by Papillon Noir

[My additions are in italics]

James was born on the 3rd of August 1970, making him currently 38. He was born in the small American town of Little Teaside to Anne and John Daniels. They lived in a three bedroom house. They gave birth to another child, Miles, on the 14th December 1976. The two brothers got on well.

At school, James was an average student, but was well known for his sense of humor. Most of the teachers liked him and he finished school with Cs and Bs. He had many friends, but his best friend was a boy who happened to be named Daniel James. They got on very well and regularly went around each others houses and played practical jokes. Their favorite film genre was Comedy, although Daniel was also into Horror.

James decided not to go to college, but Daniel did. James got a safe little job at a local tourist ride, a large bungee thrill ride. He made enough money that he bought a regular sized apartment in town. It was the 24th August 1991 that he met Judy. She had a go on the bungee seat and he was so attracted to her that they went out to dinner.

It turned out she was already seeing somebody, unbeknown to James, it was Daniel. Judy and Daniel had been dating casually for the past few months, and he really liked her. He didn't want to introduce her to James right away since he knew she was totally James, who was the better looking one's type. Daniel thought if he could keep her a secret, he could build more of a relationship with her before she met James, but she broke it off to be with James. Within a year she had moved in and they were in a very comfortable relationship. They decided not to have children until they were a bit older.

As with Bwind, this was a good move. It put Daniel and James in an odd position, but one that James didn't know of. I liked the fact that Daniel was aware of James' charm, causing some resentment and jealousy. Perception, creativity and logic scored.

Now, back to Daniel. While he was at college, he made new friends, as did James. Eventually, the two stopped really contacting each other, apart from the odd funny email or Christmas cards. Daniel never really got over the loss of Judy. She found out that Daniel and James were best friends, and because she thought it would be awkward, she agreed with Daniel to keep their past relationship a secret. Daniel got a job as a computer technician in a city about two hours away from James. While he was there, he was miserable. He had a bad house, very few friends he got on with really well and he was just all around lonely. He started obsessing about Judy. So, in February 1994 he came back to Little Teaside and approached James. Daniel knew that James and Judy were still together and he concocted a plan to be with her, deciding her love was worth risking his friendship with James.


I like the idea of obsession coming into play here. It also makes it all the more sad that James went mad because it was mainly due to the actions of others and not him. Perception and creativity gained here.

James and Judy had recently started renting a two bedroom house in a nice location. When Daniel came back, James couldn't say no. Daniel started living at the house where he remained until 1996. All three of them got on well and it was a fun time, even though Judy was hesitant at first, Daniel insisted that they could just be friends. As the three of them got closer, this brought up old romantic feelings for Daniel and they started having an affair. As Judy began to rely on Daniel more and more, his obsession of her began to dwindle. It was at this time he met Caron. Caron dazzled Daniel the way Judy did when they first met. Caron was younger, prettier, and very successful. Judy tried to keep Daniel at home, even secretly enlisting the help of James's brother Miles (part-time drug dealer) by trying to get him hooked on drugs,but Daniel eventually got back on his feet and bought an apartment across town with his new girlfriend Caron. James and he remained friends.

This was also a very good addition, and one based on what often happens in reality. People's obsessions do fade. And the fact that Daniel had drawn Judy closer to him at this point, it made things very difficult between them. It think the fact that Judy became the slightly unhinged one also would make it more painful for James when the truth came out. Also, the inclusion of Miles was well done. Points gained in all three areas.

James and Judy went on to have a daughter who they named Lucy on the 5th September 1999. They stayed in the town and lived in the same house. James' parents were still both alive and got on well with James and his new family. James was in a good job, now manager of the Red Lobster. Judy was working as a waitress at the same Red Lobster. Lucy went to the same school that James did and was getting good grades. James wasn't in any debt.
None of his family had any illness.

That is why the 2:46pm on the 4th of November 2005 was a strange day. Miles had had a particularly bad year and had been screwed over by his business partner in the drug business and was at the end of his rope. He couldn't ask his brother for more money so he decided to try blackmailing Daniel and Judy for their affair and demanding $50,000 or that he would tell James. Daniel and Judy both met at the gas station where Miles worked to discuss the situation.

Having Miles in a bad situation was good, as he then had to put the screws on Daniel and Judy. Creativity points here, although I'm not so sure about the fact that Judy would tell her drug dealing brother in law about her affair, even if the idea was to keep Daniel around.

Earlier that morning, James stumbled upon Judy's secret diary, as he went to put it back the page fell open mentioning the affair with Daniel. Enraged, James left and went to see his brother for advice. James, unfortunately didn't read the whole diary as he missed that his own brother was involved in the scandal.James walked into the gas station where he had once worked and upon finding Daniel and Judy there, accused them of the affair. They tried to deny it and as James tried to attack Daniel, Miles stepped in to stop him and let slip that he was involved too, even though it had been over for awhile. James demanded to know if Lucy was his and when they didn't respond immediately, he went berserk and grabbed the pistol that was kept under the cashier counter for break-ins and shot two customers, Daniel and Judy and a cashier, his brother Miles. It all happened so fast and James, aghast at his own actions, just went numb. He then casually walked out and drove away.

It wouldn't have been particularly clever for her to leave a diary confessing her deeds in her house, but apparently she did. I like the fact that you state how he got the gun and also that he didn't go out with the intent to kill. As with Bwind, you added to the stress he was under by creating the fact that Lucy wasn't his daughter. Also, unlike the other two, you gave a clearer reason as to why he killed the cashier.

He went to his daughters school at 3:00pm to pick her up as usual but then sat in the car, unsure what to do about the daughter he had raised, but then the police arrived and arrested him.

This was a very good entry. You did go for some of the more prediactable routes and certain actions by the people I found unlikely but overall you should be very proud of it.

Creativity: 7.5
Logic: 7.5
Perception: 8

Total: 23/30

It was a difficult one to judge, as you did a lot that the others did but somehow it still felt unique, like you took certain things just that little bit further.

[The Gate Master]

Back in the Gate Master's realm, the three contestants look nervously at each other. The Gate Master's voice sounds.

"Here are the results...

Papillon Noir scored an exact 40 out of 54. She scored 6/9, then 11/15, then 23/30.

Bwind 22 Scored 42/54. He scored 7/9, then 13/15, then 22/30

Scouse Mac scored 42.5/54. He scored 6.5/9, then 11/15, then 25/30.

It is a shame to see you go, Papillon Noir. The last to make past the first round and the first to fall."

She looks around frantically, looking for a way to escape, but there is nothing but blackness and the occasional color flying by. She looks across to the others for help. Scouse Mac can't keep eye contact, and Bwind smiles sadistically. A slight tear runs down her cheek and she blinks. Suddenly, everything is white. She is in an abyss of white.

"Hello?" She tries to say, but no sound comes out. There is a loud white noise in her ear, growing louder. She covers her ears but it just carries on. There's a faint dripping sound but she can't see any water. She sees a door in the distance and runs towards it, but every time she blinks it moves further away. She keeps running but holds her eyes open. She reaches the door, opens it and dives through. She is still in the same abyss. The white noise and dripping remains. She looks behind her and sees no door.

Meanwhile...

In the Gate Keeper's realm, Bwind22 and Scouse Mac are looking at each other nervously. Nothing has happened for some time now. There are no colours shooting past and the Gate Keeper has not spoken. They cannot hear each other try to speak. Suddenly, without warning, they are back at the very beginning, in the White Realm, just two of them. It is somehow rebuilt after being destroyed previously, though they didn't know this. The Gate Keeper speaks again...



To the two finalists, tonight your next and final challenge will be revealed. You are back in the realms, but this time only one can leave.

[Papillon Noir]

Thank you for this Gate Master, I thoroughly enjoyed this competition and I hope you make it an annual event (or come up with something else equally entertaining ;) ). I really enjoyed the last three challenges as I felt I got a chance to be really creative (even to my own demise :p )

And to Scouse and bwind, I enjoyed reading your entries as well (and entry to come), they were creative and entertaining. Good luck in the next round. :)


Cries in her white abyss.

[ferretchucker]

[In the voice of the Gate Master]

All your entries were very good Papillon, and it was very close at the end, with only 2 and a half points between you and the winner of that section. You should be very proud, and it is good to see you enjoyed the competition. And thankyou for being the first to agree to take part. Thankyou loads.

[scouse mac]

Originally Posted by Papillon Noir

Thank you for this Gate Master, I thoroughly enjoyed this competition and I hope you make it an annual event (or come up with something else equally entertaining ;) ). I really enjoyed the last three challenges as I felt I got a chance to be really creative (even to my own demise :p )

And to Scouse and bwind, I enjoyed reading your entries as well (and entry to come), they were creative and entertaining. Good luck in the next round. :)


Cries in her white abyss.

Well done on all your entrys Pap, as worthy adversaries go, you're right up the top.

;)

[The Gate Master]

Here we are. It has been a long journey with very worthy contestants, but in the end there are only two left. The two who succeeded where others did not. Now, so far, this game has been all about ones self. Other than possibly helping them develop their answers or find a route, there has been very little affecting each other. That is to change right now.

You are back in the realms where it all started. They have been reconstructed and are now kitted with a very useful feature...For you see, each realm now has an endless supply of a particular weapon, stashed in a well in the middle. I will not reveal too much, though I suppose you can guess, for if you didn't have initiative you would not have arrived in the final.

All I want from you now is a PM of five numbers. Those numbers will relate to the gates in the different realms. For instance, if I wanted to go through white 5, then the 3rd gate of the realm white 5 leads to, I would begin my sequence of numbers; 5, 3 etc.

Once that is done, I will explain the next task. You have until Sunday Midnight EST. Don't be late...

[scouse mac]

Message sent

[The Gate Master]

It is way past the deadline and I am afraid Bwind22 has yet to submit his 5 numbers. Due to the late stage in the game and the fact that it wasn't a very long deadline, I will give him until 12:00pm tomorrow to turn in his answers. Failure to do so will mean that his numbers will be randomly chosen by me and there will be only four of them.

Don't be late...