Creepshow 3 (DVD)

Hey, remember that really funny, scary, kitschy, campy 1982 collaboration between master of horror director George A. Romero, and undisputed king of the creepy novelist, Stephen King? It was called Creepshow, and it featured well-known, capable actors in an anthology of memorable little fright-fests.

Well, the newly-released direct-to disc HBO presentation Creepshow III is nothing like that.

Lack of talent meets not one whit of humor in this abysmal installation of the Creepshow horror film series, very loosely based upon the aforementioned successful cinematic pairing of King and Romero. While the vintage Creepshow movie might have been a bit silly here and there, at least it retained the goofy 50s comic book vibe and combined it well with ghoulish horror — the dreary direct-to-disc Creepshow 3 does employ the use of the anthology format and does use some graphic novel imagery as interstitchials, but that's about it.

The first story, Alice, is hardly a wonderland of horror (although the makeup effects are well-done, and the gross-out factor is definitely there in spade). It's about a teenaged girl who wishes she was born to any family but her own — and, as we all know, you must be careful what you wish for. The Radio, the story of a possessed electronic device, will make you want to change the station. Next up is Call Girl, the torrid tale of a phone-up floozy who is given the address of a new client, steps inside his suburban home, and discovers horrors she never could have imagined. Then there's The Professor's Wife, about a pair of mad scientists, and finally, every haunted hotdog has his day in Haunted Dog.

This film, dually directed by Anna Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson (presumably so one can blame the other), is not their first collaboration. They also inflicted the an in-name-only sequel of Romero's Day of the Dead on horror fans while back. Although shot on film, their movies always come out looking as though shot on video, then leeched of all character, color and composition in post. The acting is no great shakes either, and since it is poor across the board (not all the players could be that bad!), I can only guess it's the fault of the dialogue and direction (and, quite possibly, an insanely short shooting schedule).

Had this been simply a low-budget horror antho, I might have been more gracious in my assessment of its mediocre presentation of the stories, but it's because the Creepshow name is bandied about so flagrantly that they get the brunt of my ire (and surely, it will tick off more than a few unsuspecting horror fans who buy or rent the attractively packaged disc).

The DVD boasts some making-of featurettes, and self-congratulatory interviews with the filmmakers and actors.

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