Dark Moon Rising (2015)
Not even two minutes in and I'm already regretting my decision to continue on with this. Werewolves with superpowers? The fuck? Like turning into a giant monster isn't enough?! The wolves are so sad. The design looked good, but Jesus H Christ that CGI was some of the worst I've ever seen. Course it doesn't help they probably spent all their fucking CGI budget on the Godamn opening credits!! And they also read the title for us. It's like they expect an audience so stupid to even read to be able to watch this. This is all before the opening credits are over! No build up, terrible characters, bad filming...
I probably should have taken these comments as a sign:
Oh ho ho ho buckle up, kids, this is going to be a fun ride.
These people... did they just pull them in off the streets?! None of them can act. Not even trying. There's an emo boy in here who's so quiet he practically whispers his lines. When he's around you can sometimes hear what people are thinking, so maybe that's his power??? He doesn't show any emotion to it at all so I can't tell or give a shit, and then we're hearing inside HIS head! Whyyyyyy. It's distracting and unnecessary!
The dialogue in this is like the stitching of random movies together. Nothing these people say makes SENSE, it's like we should already be in the know but at the same time it treats us like we're illiterate children. It's not just the way they talk but also just the way they move that's unnatural. It's like a bad bad BAD Twilight fan-fiction. Emo kid is only the tip of the iceberg, but I'll get to that. There are a few interesting parts where it looks like he has werewolf senses developing, hearing and seeing things, but of course he also has things developing that don't make fucking sense of course. Like coughing up water in the middle of english class. Or seeing people's skeletons like he's Superman developing x-ray vision.
He freaks out and a girl follows him to warn him and idk i'm only paying half attention now. At least she takes us to her place where we meet her dad. Who has all the talent in the movie, but that's not saying a lot. At least his bad dialogue can be passed off on the alcohol. He has a random Nam flashback that has red eyed wolves in it... The consistency of the wolf forms in this is STAGGERING.
They only vaguely stress some kind warning of bad shit to come, and take him out back to witness a random naked guy in mid-transformation, and they try to get him to shoot him before he finishes the shift (weird kink but whatever). The kid can't do it, so the girl does. It wasn't even doing anything. It was just standing there... Just a plan wolf. Just standing there. I guess it offended them somehow.
Next scene is the random pack randomly killing. These guys are the terrible biped CGI with superpowers because why the fuck not. One in particular has goggles, wolverine hair, and talks like Batman.
Random chick from earlier shows up again and takes Emo Kid away, and she tells him to think of somewhere he wants to be then there's a stampede of CGI deer and then they're on rocks surrounded by fairies and my God I think I might be having a bad acid trip. Me or the movie, one of us just HAS TO.
She tells him he doesn't have to follow her she can take care of herself but he says that she can't when the red moon arrives and when did he get THAT information?! Instead of showing us your delusions movie, how about you start explaining shit! We're only just over the half way mark!
Oh well fuck that BACK TO THE BATMAN PACK. They're at a party and the leader somehow influences them to kill each other? I don't know I don't see anyone even throwing a punch, it all just looks like Godawful dancing, but yet there's blood flying everywhere.
AND BACK TO EMO KID and his imaginary friend who might not be imaginary but a changing werewolf? They run into the dad and he threatens to shoot her, and she says one of the people she could kill is his daughter, so instead of doing the logical thing at this point and KILLING HER, he lowers the weapon and instead... I don't know what this is... teaching her how to meditate? Next minute there's a CGI butterfly and I'm in a L'Oreal commercial. JESUS someone kill this movie!
One of the pack members, a wall-eyed Asian girl, pays dad a visit and they talk about some deal they have and how he won't comply, so the wall-eyed leader comes out of nowhere and has his hench...wolf... use some Jedi bullshit on him that looks like a CSI clip where she's delving into his mind to get the information they want. They find out about the girl and emo boy, then kill him.
And THEN we're in the acid dream again of rocks and fairies. You think I'm making this shit up but no, there's fairies and terrible photoshop brushes smudging up the screen all while they share their FEELINGS. I think at this point he even confesses to being a fairy and she says she's not even real and at this point... I'd rather be watching TWILIGHT. FUCKING. TWILIGHT. That movie is absolute shit too but at least I can follow the story! This... this is just painful!
She tells him to just go back to a normal life and forget about her, and I'm MORE than happy to do so with this movie. I guess they go through some emo contemplation cause the next scene consists of five second scenes of reading poetry at the bottom of trees and sitting on a bridge head down and wearing a hoodie, then just cutting to a carnival. Emo kid is there with a friend we only see for a two minute conversation at the very beginning. And honestly, I'm more concerned about his friend's personal battle of riding some twirly thing without throwing up then what happens next.
Emo kid goes one way with the blond chick who's dad was killed, she fights a wolf that walks out of a bon...fire... whatever. And Emo kid's girlfriend is put in a room with emo kid's friend, and he's talking to her like he knows here when this is the first we even see them on screen together! Emo kid gets there first and releases him and he runs, and it's batman wolf versus these two, and a we're hit by a shit storm of stupid.
Now at this point... the END of the movie instead of the fucking BEGINNING, they put little captions up of these pack fuckers names. Like I'm going to care or remember NOW?! Batman goes CGI and in one hit takes down the werewolf chick, and goes after emo kid. He's able to repeatedly take boxes over the head and still stand, even yell stop, and the fucker stops... What a TERRIBLE VILLAIN. This kid does a weird job of doing better than the wolfchick. He was at some point poisoned, but there's never a contact point seen. No bite or anything. The next forever is spent with Batman monologue. At this point if I were the kid I'd just want to fucking die already.
Bitchchick comes back, and Batman claims he can't see her weak points, to which SHE explains is because she has none as she's the apex something bullshit. If this was so what the HELL wasn't she fighting instead of her boyfriend?! Emo kid did WAY more than she did, if I didn't know better I'd say HE was the one who was supposed to be the werewolf and not her.
Back to the blond chick and the firepit bitch. Apparently she failed. That's all. She said she failed and RIGHT back to emo kid and he's ok. SO MUCH so he's the flash in the next 1.8 second scene. No fucking sense what so ever but WHO CARES! The credits roll and the torment is finally over!
How... Just HOW did this movie get enough funding to even get a fucking DVD release?! I'd much rather be watching a Big Wolf on Campus marathon but no, THIS deserves the money for DVD availability!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjW...&nohtml5=False